Holy crap on a cracker!!!

Sometimes these aha moments can be breath-taking and this one is a doozy….

I will be close on the time frame, this happened after Texas and after the Japan incident and before base housing at Johnson AFB…. and this is what I did to protect myself and my friend Robin was the key and I think we were best friends… her one statement months ago… was the key… here is the aha moment….

After the brain injury in Texas, which was what they called moderate to severe, and we can say that with certainty, because of the weakness on my left side, that started after the Japan beating and I know this, because I started my period after I turned 16, just before we moved to Okinawa… my body was that damaged from the beatings….

Between the beating off base on Japan and our move onto the base for a short time… I put a mechanism in place, that I just remembered… as I was doing my chores… and this is where I am not happy, because it means the doc was 100% correct on the memory ability, because that is why I put this in place….

I taught myself to detach from the fight or flight mechanism that was in over drive and told myself, every thing that is unpleasant with the home life… you bury… and when it tries to creep into the waking mind, you beat the crap out of the memory and bury it and you just keep doing that, until the memory is under so much mental concrete, it will never see the light of day…. and it worked… for 50 years it worked… because I am reasonably sure I did this after the beating when we got to Japan and I was only 14…. 

Because of the continued trauma and abuse, I protected myself from every person in that household and started treating everyone and everybody the same and I do that to this day and when I closed that door 50 years ago… it was because I couldn’t take christian abuse any longer… so I ran and continued running until Nov 7, 2017…. and here we are…

Do I think the memory ability is intact, I can’t answer that… Neurology is one of the hardest subjects I have ever tried to understand and I haven’t even scratched the surface… sometimes you need the college educated, because after all, they did pass tests….

When these moments happen, I know I am in for some interesting dreaming or waking moments when memories will come rushing in like a movie preview in fast forward and then the fun begins… figuring out, when, what, where, and most of all who was involved…

18 years is a lot of ground to cover… my first clue was the memory at 18 months… from there, I have been putting the puzzle back together… I am not so much searching for the trauma that went on during those years…

No, I am looking for any hint of hope that my memory of my sister and brother are wrong and so far I have had no luck…

Lets hope time is on my side…. 

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell 

I Remember… Margie…

Author: maggi9454

Margie was born into a typical christian military family... Her story is anything but typical... Domestic violence, rape, attempted murder and all done while my dad served in the U. S. Air Force and they buried the truth... then my own children impacted by Air Force cover up while I am active duty.... Rape, Attempted murder, domestic violence and discrimination in the name of the United States Government... and it is still happening as I write... just look at Trump, Kavanaugh and Thomas.... Circle of Silence is no more....