I wasn’t allowed to say NO…. Moral???

My early years, before I became a teenager was a total fight for survival… and here is an example of what I mean, see if you can get the meaning…

Alabama, southern Baptist church and of course god has been beaten into me since I could first open my mouth… and the flight an  fight mechanism kicked into over drive…

I was led to believe a child all of eight years was a bad person… only because mommy dearest had been embarrassed again…. ya know, I ain’t the dumb ass that knocked her up so why it was all my fault, you got me…. honest…  and that is exactly how that child felt, every time the mother lashed out and hurt her….

So the child prayed… I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep and I ask this god I am told is real, to bless all the people in my life and they are the ones that know about the abuse, but I am supposed to ask this god to bless them…. as I finish the prayer, and I pray the lord my soul should take….  and I would drift off into fitful sleep and usually at some point end up on the floor banging the back of my head so many times, the bone scan done at 28 years of age, showed extensive remodeling and guess where the hypothalamus area is… yep…. triple dog sigh….

One Sunday I asked to be baptized and I thought, okay, no more beatings, I am, “gods child”…. and the boob incident happens….

Couple years later I asked to get baptized again and mom goes, but you are already saved and I just said so….

Thinking to myself, okay, I must have not done it right last time, let’s try again…. and the preacher dunks me under the water….

Big Springs, Texas comes along and the reality of the new baby and its paternity turns our home into a hell on earth, not that it wasn’t always, but this was to the extreme and Margie died and big brother was never seen again after 1968 until Washington 2002 and a weird reunion was a understatement… he was still mommy dearest pet….

From the time I could talk, till I left home, the word NO was not allowed from my lips, if I did, I paid…. When I walked out that door…. No was the first word I learned to exercise….. and god was the first to be told no… he or she is a fraud, taker of lives, souls and innocence, all in the guise of religion…..

I said no in the military and they lied and I proved it… I took on the system and won… and I saw my peers for what they truly were… bigots…. hispanic, white, african, asian… I got the full brunt of what bigotry was and still is like in America while I wore a uniform…. much like how Trump treats Americans now… welcome to the club….

Einstein once said that insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results…. that is the moral…

Only humans can change humans destiny….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie….