Isolation under the spell of PTSD…

I have heard, from more than one veteran about the desire to isolate and not have contact with many if any people…

I started that road trip around 2000… four years after our road trip to Arkansas to see the family after 13 years apart… I spent 4 of those years on Japan….

I used to be out going, had parties all the time, people in and out my door… the extra bedroom usually occupied… that lasted from 1972 to 2000…. things began to change in my mind and people were just noise by the time 2000 got here…

I fight that desire to isolate again… I finally explained to my husband exactly what I was experiencing after a disturbing post on face book this morning….

At one time, I had lots of friends on FB and I pissed someone off at FB an they closed the page… so I opened a 2nd page, had half as many friends and again, pissed someone off at FB an they closed that page and that was June of 2017…. now hubby’s page they never messed with… just mine… and again.. I kept pointing out Russia and all the other crap, that Mark says he was unaware of??? REALLY???

Here comes Nov 5, 2017 and airman of the military kills 26 people and 2 days later I wake up… and by Thanksgiving, mommy dearest cuts her throat and finally I break free… by Jan 2018 I had a new face book page and I declined the majority of the friend request and I selected 24 people to be friends with, some blood, some grandkids, some acquaintances and some DNA relatives and a couple of cousins who are the least religious…. and I have kept that number under 25 for a reason…

People are more interested in brain candy on the internet than they actually care about people or animals… if it was different… I wouldn’t see so much violence from their posts… they see it as activism… but my brain sees it very differently… thus why I keep my friend list so small… I can block the majority of the stuff they share and see only things that I find not painful… and yet it still happens, because FB has problems with its program and it doesn’t work 75% of time correctly, at least from what I see….

I explain to Mike, I do not want to move, I do not want to give up the isolation and lack of human contact…. and I was dead serious…. and you could see he believed every word, because of his expression… he really wants to move home… and I had to explain the battle I just described above…

It is constant and never-ending desire to isolate… The PTSD does this insidious thing to the brain and makes you believe, alone is better, isolated is better, human contact is bad… that is what PTSD does to you… and it will make you want to hurt others if you have other issues related to the PTSD….

Just writing this blog, makes me get out of my cell and expose myself to human contact… 

Funny, I have had so few positive results from human contact… starting as a child….

PTSD a illness like no other, a pain greater than every heart beat and yet people say they support veterans…. yet they fail to understand the sacrafice that uniform really asks for…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie…