Pin ball headaches…. & PTSD, TBI

Headaches are nothing new to me… I can remember standing outside my Aunt Tinys car, pounding my legs up and down before we get in it and being told it just growing pains…yet they knew… I had been beaten… and I remember I had a headache at the time…

This was one of her wedding’s or something I went along on… I remember granny being there and I think Betty…. funny how these memories come strolling along like today… it’s rainy, been pouring since last night… that was what it was like that day she got married… rainy…. I was less than 10 years old… haven’t been able to pin that memory down yet… which is normal on this kind of journey….

My headaches have certain behaviors… I have one kind of headache because of the Ankylosing Spondylytis in my neck from all the beatings, they threw me around like a rag doll, in fact, my body just jerked from a memory… sigh…. this headache is associated with the nerve damage in my neck, so that headache comes on, I know I need to do my PT exercises to build the muscle in my neck and the headache goes away….

The right, left, frontal lobes and occipital part of the brain, now that is Tommy playing his pin ball machine and when it starts… I never know what is going to happen…

My speech will be impacted, I won’t be able to articulate properly… my vision will be hit, one eye gets a kaleidoscope view and the other just gets a throbbing pain behind the eye… when the frontal comes on, you can tell if it is a tension or hunger headache or just pain, as for the back of the brain, impacts my body in ways that make me happy I can not get pregnant… 

The last few days the headaches have been there and annoying, but the scary part, I am losing weight fast again… but, I think that is thyroid related and the new dosage is tolerable so far, still need to be on it for a few more weeks to know for sure… and the weight loss should slow down, I am only 3 pounds from my 142 pre surgery weight… still have to get to the 135 mark for the issues I have with internal organs… if I keep losing pass that point… then it’s time to check my white count… agent orange will always be a threat, thanks to the Air Force spraying Naha AFB with the stuff and we lived there and we were exposed… so many were….

Yet, there is something different about the headaches… I don’t need to take aspirin for them and I usually can change what or how I am thinking and the headache sometimes melts away…. No clue if this is related to the repressed memories coming out and the PTSD losing its grip, I can’t answer…

I know that I am no way near the end of this journey, there are still some memories I can not see clearly or fully and those memories are very important to this journey… and there goes the right and left side just now in unison… ugh!!!

Neurology is only going to tell me what isn’t going on… they can rule out all the medical related junk… but when the brain is injured as much as mine was, they will never truly understand what I have experienced since the first remembered injury at 6…. that is 58 years of experience that no doctor can compare to… makes you wonder why they don’t listen???

The doctors are not going to be able to do anything to help me, except eliminate all the illness related to brain issues… and that has been done, what is left…

Brain injury due to repeated domestic violence for 18 years and the government did all they could to bury the truth…. just one little problem….

I Remembered…. something none of them expected… the brain, the best toy nature ever gave humans… and it beat those men in power… you can only hope the same happens to Trump and the corrupt congress we have…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie…