The ghost that woke me…

I love this time of year on Hawaii… wonderful trade winds, rain happens when the sun is shinning, clouds and most of all…. cooler weather, the kind where the AC stays off and the house open to all that nature gives….

Last night was a warm night and one that found me coming full awake and I was telling myself to knock it off… In other words the memory I have been pushing to see, is pushing back…

PTSD is the worse, when it comes to facing the demons of the past…. I can not speak for anyone who did combat, or auto accidents… I can only relate to my head being used a punching bag and one time they went to far and here we are… me trying to figure this mess out…

I have never had a dream as vivid as last night, it has bugged me all day and I have pushed myself to put my mind in another place and the memory push’s its way into my view….

I told Mike that I knew I had not remembered anything new… that all the memories that have come forward, where always there… I just took my skills and buried them, I just wished I had told myself what the damage would be by running from it, instead of into it… and by it, I mean the trauma I ran from for so many decades….

I can feel my guard coming down and the brain is just letting me in on more of the secrets that I simply forgot and now I have to figure out why I forgot them and what are they connected to… I love playing games and solving puzzles, but this is such a daunting task and then I remind myself… If I keep running, I will never finish….

Two points for last nights nightmare… It hit back… Maybe Feb the neuro doc can confirm I have permanent memory loss and I can finally say, time to move on… then Margie pokes me in the head and a headache comes on… yep, like I got a whole lot of say about this journey….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie…