PTSD and the Relationship Game…

Does not matter the relationship… Mother, father, brother, sister, spouse, significant other, child or grandparent…. PTSD screws with all of it and depending upon the type of PTSD, in other words, what is the PTSD trauma, combat, car accident or like mine, domestic violence and rape…

For me, I know that when we lived in Alabama, my attitude towards people, regardless of who they were, had changed… very subtle at first… Most people would have contributed the behavior to puberty or any other excuse they can come up with besides working to figure it out… sorry I digress….

Around the time of the boob incident and for those curious about that incident, when I got another brain injury… mommy dearest was embarrassed over the behavior of a 6, 8 and 11-year-old… end of story… Mommy dearest was anything but adult and my body paid for it and any relationship I had at one time with my sister, was disintegrated… thanks to, you go it… mommy dearest….

I was a typical kid, could not wait to get the hell out of my parents home, and I left as soon as we got back from Japan… and that is probably the only thing that saved me… I got out of the clutches of the psychos and saved my own soul in the process…. and I was half-baked, when it came to relationships… the only one I had to go on… the one I watch try to kill each other and me… oh, might as well throw the other kids in too… we all got the crap beat out of us, except sis… oh, but she did get slapped one time…. for real, you should see the expression on my face… want to talk about a click in your own home… that be mommy and sis… now its mommy and the rapist… just made for each other…. that does make me laugh… they so deserve what life gives them….

Relationships and I never worked… it was a ying and yang type of scenario… and I knew it and I still acted half-baked sometimes and I don’t mean stoned on drugs… I mean my thought process was anything but logical or rational… that is what TBI does to you and so much more…

Married 6 times before I hit 40 years old… 1st time, I still think I was nuts for that one… 2nd time, convenience so I could go into the military… one of the kids was his… 3rd time, I was more lonely than anything… 4th time, convenience… so people would leave me alone, he was going to Turkey on assignment and I was staying put… we were married nearly 10 years… 5th time, I had my head up my ass…..

Number 6, we have been married over 24 years and counting… when you find one that puts up with your craziness, you hang on to them… and this was one, I was willing to work on… and we do that daily…..

As for relationships with my children… you will have to ask them… I make no assumptions and I have rules… called respect, honesty, integrity and ethics… live life any other way, well, I guess I won’t know much about a couple of the kids, now will I… All you can do, once they leave home, is hope they have a good life and contribute to society, not take from it…

Sadly my blood relatives all come from a time of domestic violence, religious bigotry and alcohol and drugs and little to no mental health care… I hope they all find what ever it is they are looking for in life… I stepped out of the picture decades ago and only stepped in, because an uncle asked me too… now all are dead and I owe no one anything of me….. I wish them long lives and peace….

As for the rest of the birth family… ya know… what ever life is dumping on them right now… I promise you it’s my fault… and I left home in 1972…. true story…

You really can not fix stupid, stupid has to want to be fixed….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember….