PTSD Nightmares are back…

In Technicolor no less… Fall asleep and in less than 2 hours I am wide awake because of a nightmare…

I have done this routine since I was 6 years old and the first TBI… I had so hoped that all the ugly stuff from the past had showed itself and it was time to move on…

Nope, the brain has other ideas… When it comes to PTSD, it isn’t over, till it is over… What I thought probably was a new memory, looks more like it is connected to another trauma and there was more to that trauma than I thought and more people involved…

I am so ready for hypnosis… so ready!!! I want my sleep back, I was enjoying sleeping till I had to go pee… After so many surgeries that is expected in the middle of the night… and I was only getting up once or twice and right back to sleep…

Not anymore!!! I fall asleep and as soon as I get in REM… there comes the nightmare connected to PTSD!!! I am so frustrated… I thought for sure I was getting ahead of the game, not keeping pace with it!!!

It could take days, weeks or months, before this nightmare is seen in its full length Technicolor play back… Only then, will it leave me alone at night…

I get I was beaten and brutalized by my mother and father and they had help….

But do I got to relive it over and over and over… till hell freezes over???!!!

Yep, just a little pissed… that I have more of this to do…

I so wish mental health here had sent me directly to hypnosis… and quit expecting every patient that walks in to be average intelligence… instead, I will have to wait till we get moved back to Washington or hope that the nightmare plays out so I can see what all the fuss is about…

What gets me… I don’t remember the abuse, well that isn’t true… I remember most of the abuse… but there are some things that have never been 100% clear and that is probably what is coming forward now…

I had hoped that Margie was reasonably content with our progress and was ready to sit back and enjoy the rest of her life… but no, she is digging up more memories that I wish would just happen and be done…

Not a damn thing I can do about the brain and it’s waking up from its long nightmare… but couldn’t it just have a little love for me and let me sleep???

Wrong answer…. ugh! FYI, headaches have stopped, now we know why I was having them… double ugh!!!

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie….