PTSD keeps evolving….

I have to give it to the mental health lady I saw here… she does know her stuff… but for me… it just wasn’t the right path to take, spend a half hour once or twice a week and then have to remember what we discussed and get the brain in the direction the worker is… just doesn’t work for me…

I hop from decade to decade when I talk to Mike and there are times he has trouble keeping up… and this dude was on the Deans list at UNM every semester… before he had open heart surgery… so stupid he is not… he was working on his 2nd degree in 2014…. on my VA benefits….

What the young woman said, was baby steps and I get you can’t hurry anything along, IF, the brain is not willing…

Well crap, I have been willing since I remember the damn boob incident with sis and bro and my mom being a psycho path…. so yea, I have been wanting to know since I remembered the hairbrush against my backside at 18 months old…. so I get the psychology part of the PTSD, not 100%, I am not educated…

I have some college, the rest… everything I could read, watch documentaries, actual surgeries, you name it, if it was available I jumped in with no clue what I was learning, some of it from actual job experience… and after a while I was not just absorbing and over time I realized I had learned…. after being told all my life how stupid I was… gee wonder if that IQ test back in 85 had anything to do with it…. sorry sarcasm not on point today… headaches…

I can feel the change in my brain… today especially, and it started around 3AM… first the bloating and swelling of my intestines…. then the headaches and the weird foggy feeling and the heat hit… starting at the top of my head and it spread slowly all the way to my toes….

Ya know, they made me go through menopause at 25 years old in the military because they got it wrong… I know what hot flash’s feel like and this is absolutely nothing like that… they are short and usually just the head only….

What has been going on today has happened multiple times in the past, but yesterday it was lots of tachycardia, today the sweats and nausea… breakfast, the dogs got mine… and my mood is very laid back and relaxed and not from the pot either….

So yesterday and the day before, very up tight and pissey… today, I feel like I am in a fog, with frontal headaches and like I said, I can actually feel the difference in the brain… and I read this is not unusual… so I am just going with it and enjoying the weird experiences that come with what ever the hell is causing the 2 abnormal brain waves….Β 

I mean it has been going on since Japan and that was 50 years ago… I am just fully aware of everything since I got my memories back and understand the nightmare my family left me to live… they say Karma is a bitch… I kind of hope so…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie….