Vet No MRI Dependent husband all done…

I think we are on week 5, waiting for a call from the local facility, so I can get a brain MRI and find out, if possible to find out, what the hell is going on in my brain with 2 abnormal brain waves….

You start to speculate and then you do the stupid and research symptoms, like the vasculitis… and you get paranoid and you think this is it… the sky is falling… grab your ass, put your big girl panties on and look in the mirror at how stupid you just got…. and laugh till you pee those big girl panties….

The health issues, the mental issues, the life issues… I am so over thinking about any of this stuff… but I have too, regardless what path it takes, I have to stay in the moment and just go with it…

I can be working around the house or shopping or just watching TV and something will trigger memories and stuff just floods in like a tidal wave and you are looking for anything to grab to make sense of it…

I guess at some point I found that life raft, because every time in the last couple of days, any memory that comes into view, just plays on out….

I don’t know how to convey, knowing you know every day of your life, but something is keeping you from remembering it… I have walked through life for the last 50 years, trying to figure out the first 14 years… I have narrowed that down to 6 years…

Has every day of my life come back, I think with what ever happened in Texas, the brain injury then, is what caused the twin signals in my brain… I know it gave me narcolepsy after the Japan beating and that was around 14 years old and that issue did not finally stop until around 2000…. I haven’t had a sleep paralysis issue since then…. Drove from Washington to Arkansas when we moved in 2003 and I drove one rig and hubby the Uhaul…. at one time I could fall asleep by just closing the eyes… It got scary for a while…

For the longest time I fought to understand what was going on in my brain and got no place with the military or the VA… and the VA is still not disappointing… still waiting for the Brain MRI…. sigh…………………………………

It was sweet vindication, when I told the doctor before I saw the neuro, I told her I had peripheral neuropathy and that is what they diagnosed me with along with autonomic neuropathy….

The only reason I thought Vasculitis was on the table… after the defective surgical glove incident at Vance… they found my primary vessel to my heart, partly occluded and it still is… and that one symptom that fits none of the other stuff, the tightness of the chest… Mike will attest, sometimes it is off the chart for pain when I eat, because of that tightness in the chest and yes, my heart has been checked… this is related to the blood flow and as I swallow something goes wrong and it is just bad… enough said…. and no it is not the esphoagus, all checked… but not the veins…

I hope the MRI happens soon… I have read what other tests they may want to do… I am all in except for a spinal tap or sleep study… I do not sleep in strange places without my dogs or hubby, and there is more to it than just that…

My instincts have told me my whole adult life, never let anyone put a needle in my spine… and If I had done lots of the things the doctors prescribed… I wouldn’t be typing this now… I would be dead… so instincts I trust… Doctors… not so much… All they did was pass tests…. That doesn’t make them great, just qualified to pass tests… 

Well I have my own test… I see the neurologist in Feb… Time will tell, it always does…. and I am betting I will piss him off in the first 5 minutes… and not deliberately either… the dude is as uptight as you can possibly get… yuppies, I will never understand them….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie…..