The worse thing anyone can do, not know enough… and I absolutely do not know enough… and that is why I sought out the professionals after we moved here… 3 doctors later and we are finally getting some answers… 1st doctor fired me as a patient… stating my case was too complicated… the next place, office manager thinking she knew more than me about medicare and Tri-west fired me as a patient, and then tried to get me back as a patient… my 3rd doctor, kind of happy with the one I got… she’s quirky and I like that… and she says what she thinks…. and that is important, even if we disagree… she is educated, I am just high IQ which means squat… nada… zip, zero….
Now that little issue is imprinted in the brain, don’t forget it… I tell myself….and I will till it does imprint… short term memory was found in the military…. but getting better…
The nightmares stopped again… I think this weekend was the reason for them… It brought back the memories from 1967 to 1972 and those years have been a confused mess for a long time… but, not any more….
As for the years prior to 6 years of age… I have vague memories… the only memory that ever stood out before that age was the hair brush incident and I would have to say that was when I became self-aware and from that point on… I became mommy’s tattle tale… and she still calls me that to this day…
I have memories from age 6 to 13, but there are some gaps, not much, but some… as for the Texas incident, where Margie died… well the government has sealed my dad’s records and my information on me… that is going to take a court battle and I have no clue if I can afford such a task… I have done court before and it is never worth the money… just look at how Trump is raping America… and probably no jail time…. our courts are screwed up and not a place I enjoy being…. so for me… I am going to say, we rely on what I remember and if the VA approves hypnosis, maybe what ever that drags out of the depths of this brain…..
Right now I am dealing with the autonomic neuropathy…. I am swelling up around 2 or 3 AM and that is the end of the sleep…. I am beginning to understand why my weight has fluctuated my whole life and I mean since I was around 8 years old….
In 98 I got down to 118 pounds…. and for a woman my height… I looked worse than Olive Oil or a phone pole, I was so thin…. and it happened before that time period and it has happened since… and it is happening now, but I am more in control, now that I know about the Autonomic diagnosis…. only took 50 years… yea for health care in the VA and Military system…. NOT!!! and yes they have been my health care provider my whole life… it’s called service to your country… and you can see what I got for that service….
Anyway… that seems to be the curse I am dealing with now… the exercises are helping with my left side, as far as giving me some strength and you can feel the muscle respond as well as the angry nerves…. but there is a stiffness that is happening and that too is something weird and has been ongoing for a few years and I have no clue why… especially since I always have been active….
More questions than answers for an illness that has been ongoing since at least 1960… thanks mom and dad…. but their god forgave them??? wow!!!
TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell
I Remember… Margie….