Making sense of the memories….

I wrote a while back that I really didn’t like short hair… but something keeps coming back to the forefront of that thought….

Now I know my mother cut off my hair, when little, it is still baby fine and tangles easy…. and she would invariably yank my head so hard I would scream in pain… so she chopped it off…. but sis got to grow her’s out… spent time looking at pictures last night… I never really  had long hair, except a couple of times…. until after I left home…

That bothers me…. as if something went on and my head was shaved or mother was just bat shit crazy and thought my curly hair was from the devil, no clue, really…. 

I remember in Texas when Margie died… I had long hair and when we stopped at Aunt Alines, I let her perm my hair… well it was so ruined, when we got to Japan, I got it all chopped off real short…. but then I saw a picture of me on Okinawa with Jim Yettman and his buddies and my hair is shoulder length… but in the picture going to the dance when staying in the hotel outside Kadena… my hair is longer….and that is before Jim Yettman….

What all this tells me….if I have this edetic memory thing… then that is why the memories are confusing…. and I am missing information that has either not come back or will never come back…. 

Again it goes back to losing a limb…. veterans will tell you, those that lost legs, arms…. you feel the pain from that limb and you just know it’s there, until you look for it and it is gone… poof… never to be seen again…..

Same goes for me with my memories…. I know the information is there… it’s just crossing the street and going in the door…..

I did come across one good memory and again it is associated with bad memories…. It’s my 16th birthday and my brother gave me a bottle of Tabu perfume…. maybe I never mentioned this… along with all my other special little pains in the ass abilities… I am a super taster and smells, can do me under in a heart beat…. That Tabu was the worse… but that brother… the one who saw more than he should for such an age…. used to look up to me… until mother got in his head…. out of everything in my first 18 years… that bottle of perfume, I never forgot… I gave him an old car when he went active duty and I drove for hours to be at his first wedding…..

Yep, myself and two brothers, served in the Air Force…. yet, they are still in service to their mother…..

So these old memories that have to do with so much…. leave me with more questions than answers…. but this cold I got yesterday…. is leaving me more foggy than anything and I think that is why I am not preoccupied with all this crap I am reliving…. my body cheated on me and went and caught a cold…. it’s a break…. I’ll take it, for how ever long it lasts… and it will keep the MRI off in the distance till I get over this goofy cold on Hawaii…. go figure on that…. sometimes you just got to go with the flow….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember…. Margie…..