Understanding TBI & Neuropathy….

I have stated this many times and it is a daily mantra, because of the frustration….

If only someone had told me what happened to me!!!!!!!!!

Ya know, when I stood in the kitchen of my parents home in 2010 and told mother I was missing memory…. Don (dad) had been dead 4 years by then…. and that was 4 years I used to explore the memories the family stirred up….

BUT!!! No one told me… in fact, when I tried to get the military records… a doctor here, who just retired from the Army as an Orthopedic specialist told me straight up I wouldn’t get the records and he was right… it will take a court battle and rich I am not, nor likely to ever be…

So I sit here, listening to Harry Chapin and thinking… my own government sold me out and threw me under the bus and how many millions more out there have they done the same too and gotten away with it????

Okay, enough rant…. Like I have said, I was always suspicious and when the military tried to figure it out, they did give me the nudge I needed to pursue my former life as a child… and again… life takes over and you do it when you find the time… I raised kids, served in the military for 5 1/2 years and worked for the feds until 96….and we took the trip to see the family in Mena in 96… and things really started to change for me… in the brain and the thought process and the PTSD exploded onto the scene and lots of alcohol and pot to keep the demons at bay…

By the time 2000 came around, I was done… done with alcohol, cigs, you name it… but I had a hubby and he was doing the same… so for us both to succeed, we took things one at a time… Alcohol was first… you see hubby is an alcoholic and I am not…  So baby steps like the shrink told me here, was something I was already employing 18 years ago, to help my own husband overcome his addiction…. by 2008 he was ready to give up smokes and here we are… both sicker than when we did all the bad stuff… lol

But happier and healthier, if that is possible… Understanding your illness is so important to making any head way with quality of life… I know, I have been fighting since 1978 to get answers…. and nearly destroyed myself in the process… because mom and dad were silent and mother still is…

I kept hope first and foremost in the picture… I knew I had to live life and work life and love life… or life would leave me behind… and that is so hard to do, when you don’t know what the illness is that is taking so much from you… my journey started at the age of 6… 58 years later… my mother could not own her brutality and left Margie to fend for herself… Mother is a unique and cruel woman, very intelligent and manipulative and most of all she hides behind her god… and she should spend the rest of her life behind bars for trying to kill me… Instead… this blog, her and the family reads is a reminder…

You can lie, steal, rape and beat your way through life… but what will you be remembered for and was it all worth it??? To throw away your children, because your own mother left you in an orphanage… and when that happened to mother… she took the dark path and never looked back… her world would be the world she built and myself and all 6 of my siblings paid the price for her mental illness….

Hope kept me going forward and reality…. Facing the real world, accepting my part in my own journey and moving forward… because there is no going backwards for me… The neuropathy is too advanced and has already done significant damage to my organs… I have known, since that emergency surgery on Japan in 84 by Dr. Blake… my days were numbered… and it was up to me, to give myself as much time on this planet as my damaged body will allow… Borgs we will never be… We get one chance in life, if you hide from it because of fear, well you just wasted the most precious gift in this universe… a chance to….

Live, not fear life…..

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie…