PTSD and Depression are still here….

I have experienced every level of depression… including the suicide thoughts… and I turned around and walked the other direction….

Instead I lived life and worked at the issues and got no place… made zero headway in dealing with the depression… and for very good reason…

Until Nov 7, 2017… I didn’t remember… I knew I was missing memory and mother confirmed that in 2010, the last time I ever saw her…. and then sister and auntie provided the rest of the evidence… ya know, people are never more open, when they think you are stupid… got a smile out of me on that one…

Did more reading on psychology and went and did a few counseling sessions… mainly in the hopes, they hit upon something I hadn’t thought of yet at that time…. and they did and I used that tool to get where I am now…..

Mike made a comment today, that I was 360 from what I was a year ago… am I all sugar and spice… are you for real… I may know all the proper protocols and junk… but blunt I have been my whole life and that will never change… so yea, hubby is right, things have changed in the thought process…. behavior, well lets just say Margie has made him spew his drink or food more than once…

I know when I get angry, it is either lack of sleep, like I did this morning or I am hungry…. Nothing has really come along to just kick me in the backside to make me mad…. I seem to be able to discern, lack of food, sleep and over all illness… versus the nightmare from the dark lagoon that came out more often than Halloween came around…

I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop… for me to just lose it and be a real bitch and go for the jugular…. but, I have tried pushing myself there and couldn’t get the old reactions to come out… and that may be, because I have been working on changing the chemical reaction in the brain, when things happen anymore…. and that technique really does seem to work, so the text books were good for something…. Neurology, that is a confusing subject to understand….

Do I have work to do… I think I will always be a work in progress and besides… I have no crystal ball, I wake up each day, hoping to wake up and just deal with the day and try to understand every nuance that is changing in me… it’s annoying, it’s consuming and it’s like opening a present every day… only because….

Margie has come out to play….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie…..