Closing the Door….Owning my Mental Health….

Lately, with hubby, I haven’t been too conversational… Haven’t brought up much of anything to do with the past or my childhood or what I remembered…. and he asked, was it because of all the uproar in America over politics and I had to reply….. NO…..

The psychological portion of this journey was over decades ago… what I have dealt with since getting my memories back, has been nothing more than a review of what I already knew, just buried it deep in my brain, so I could survive and cope until I knew the whole story… Assumptions is something I try very hard not to do…

When I woke up Nov 7, 2017…  I started talking about Big Springs, Texas… I did so with some fear and when the memory hit me, I screamed and literally ran the other direction…. that was 13 months ago…. a lot has changed mentally since then….

Deep down I had already accepted what had happened and the participants…. If I hadn’t, I would have treated the primary players differently… Instead… what they saw as a child, was what they saw as an adult… because I left home as a child and they never knew the adult… so they based their opinions and thoughts about me, on the past… The past they tried to bury, because in the christian environments my mother and sister live in… their world, they think people do not really know the kind of people they are….

I never forgot…. if I had, I would have been more open and sharing with my mother and sister… I never was, nor have I ever…. which if you read the blog, I caught both women in so many lies… their fake news world crumbled decades ago… and they both know it…

Once you start life lying, it is so very hard to get on the path of truth and own it… My mother and sister can never do that… because the path they took, was one they created to hide behind, in case I remembered….

I have no love loss for these people… I know them better than they know themselves… because I never lied about my life and they have done nothing but lie about theirs… and when you know the truth about people… you see how small and pathetic their lives really are….much like Trumps….

Am I closing the door on this chapter… I learned a long time ago, never say never… I never know what PTSD nightmare will rear its ugly head and show me something I had forgotten….

So much hate and animosity from two christian women, who taught me how not to be anything like them…. they fear life and they fear the truth…and most of all they fear this god they worship, who they say forgave them for their sins…

In America we call it crimes against humanity…. and forgiving will never come from these lips…

Can I say with certainty that part of this journey is over, except for writing the book… No, I cannot… But I can say with certainty…

I own my life, every second of it… not gods, not man, not mom and sister….

I own it…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie…

Sgt. USAF DAV