I want to try Hypnosis…. TBI & PTSD…edited…

Never been much of a believer in the art of Hypnosis….. and I have read quit a bit of psychology where they have used it to help someone bring forth repressed memories…

Do I think I still have memories uncovered… oh, you betcha I do… and only from experience can I say that… because there is a pattern to the PTSD and the memories it latched onto….

When I have trouble falling asleep and I am tired and should have no issues and nothing is on the brain in the thought process, I know something is still buried and that has been the last couple of nights and frankly, I have no clue what is buried, but then maybe I do…

If I have this edetic memory ability, and I made memories of the attacks… then the information is there, I just can’t get past the guard protecting the memory…

I put so much in place as a child, to protect myself, I have become my own worse enemy, when it comes to a couple of specific memories I am reaching for… and those memories are anything but pleasant… 

I have tried every thing I know and have read about how to trigger those memories and I don’t think I can get there on my own… but never say never in this process… the brain is the most powerful muscle we have and one we do not fully understand… 

But, I still want to try hypnosis and see if I am right, to see if that ghost of a memory that keeps flashing before my eyes is real, or it was just a mechanism I put in place to protect the child that was being attacked… Won’t know, until I get the VA to do it… So wish I had gotten that done, when they sent me to mental health here on the island… 

But, you defer to the specialist that should be all-knowing and you find… they have issues too and can not help you, until they help themselves….

So catch 22 here we are….

With TBI, you either make memories of before, during or after the incident… Rarely do you make all 3 memories if trauma is involved and that is the norm when it comes to brain trauma…

So what I see in the quick flash before my eyes, may or may not be a real memory… and right now I have no way of proving that one way or the other, without trying hypnosis…. so frustrated I am with the lack of response from the mental health office after a couple of phone calls to get a follow-up appointment… so what do you do… 

You give up… because health care gave up and that is the norm in veterans health care… people get their pay checks and provide zero service to veterans… nothing new there….

So we are trying an experiment… we deliberately ran out of pot and didn’t start growing any new plants, until we knew we were close to being out of the stuff… so now we are dry for the next month or two and that, I hope, allows the brain to take trips on its own and not be dummied down by marijuana….

It will mean dealing with lots of nausea, pain and everything else by medication, instead of a natural way… but sometimes… you got to take a chance and that is what I am doing…

Giving the brain a breather from the fog of marijuana and see, if possibly, that will allow me to travel to the part of the brain and get pass the guard, protecting those memories….

I know, I may have not made memories of certain acts, performed by the beaters…. I accept that… most of the trauma, I either remembered the before or the after, but rarely the trauma itself… and I only have a couple of events I want to see fully…. All before the age of 14….

So, work I have to do and hope that the next few weeks, with the brain free of its diversions… I just might get some answers, now that the chaos has melted into the background….

Just a FYI to who ever is reading locally my blog… I have cell phone records that back up my statement in trying to get a mental health follow up appointment, and of course, the phone was on speaker and hubby heard me talk, not once but twice to the employee at the mental health facility the VA sent me too…

I learned a very long time ago… EVIDENCE and documentation is the only way to back up truth and keep the business or government from fucking you over!!! How do you think I got 100% rating from the VA…. I have lots and lots of evidence, and the government provided it!!!

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie….

Sgt USAF DAV