Hypnosis will not help on this journey…

Today, with the depression and holiday… talking is always beneficial if you have someone who will actually listen… Hubby is good at that…

Realizing that it has all been mother who did all the initial injuries… and not dad… he helped, he was no angel… but the reality of it is…

Mother… mommy dearest was the beater and abuser and most of all master manipulator… wonder how she feels now the youngster has $35Gs, of her money….. funny how life turns the table on ya… I guess some people do reap what they sow…

As for the hypnosis… it will tell me nothing I don’t already know and will actually just make me relive the trauma of the beatings…. S&M, nope, no thankyou… stupid I am not… so we are going to pass on any further mental health interference… Hypnosis, gone…

Now why won’t it do me any good… Easy…. I remember… I remember all the beatings… I remember the why, though in today’s world it would mean prison for what they did… and I know the who… so why put myself through a process, that will only make me relive the emotional pain of the physical, psychological and verbal abuse… I remember enough to write 10 books…

So what is left to find out…  When it comes down to it… BRAIN…. and understanding what I was given as a gift from mother and daddy for 64 years of never-ending pain….

The more I understand, the more accurate diagnosis I get, the easier it is to live with this…  The MRI will rule out much, but identify what I think they will find… and if I am right, then I will be sent on my merry way to live what ever life, lets me live… If I am wrong… well there goes my record…. and I will have something new to learn about…

I told hubby, I can’t touch my eyes, without pain… and I expect to be blind at some point in time… psychic I am not… but if I am correct… I think I am going to have to figure out how to do pod cast or just wing it and narrate my story… no clue…

Sometimes symptoms mean one thing and rarely do they mean bad things… chronic illness and depression will make you freak if you let it… right now… I think I am just going to enjoy the ride for the next couple of months and leave the speculating for the bookies…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie….

Sgt. USAF DAV