My Memories, the fistula stole them…

When these aha moments happen, it’s like opening a present every time and this one… goose bumps and tears… and it is based on the psychology and neurology I have been learning for years…  so this is what I remember learning and why I know my memories are their… all except for 1…..

According to the science, when memories are formed they go into little areas of our brain associated with that memory… and the majority of the time we are just going through life and only remember moments… moments in time… you know…

Graduation, the first kiss, the first car, the first trip, the first-born…. Humans make memories and live life just like this and there will always be lots more different ones… but rarely can you remember every month, or every week or every day… unless you have a high functioning memory ability or you learned to do the high memory functions… because you can learn to do them….

Now why am I saying all this… just like knowing I had TBI’s without any proof… I also know, I have always had a high functioning memory ability… it was just broken, by the TBI’s… until Nov 7, 2017… and that is when the brain started to wake up and the chaos started to melt away…. and here we are… the Fistula…

My memories… all the ones I am missing but one… is still in my memory banks in those grey cells… the Fistula is robbing me of my memories…  the MRI report found no infarct or anything else that would impact memories…. 

This tells me the fistula is the robber of my memories and when they fix this thing… In time, short, slow, moderate, they should come back and because I have no fear of those memories… It will be a welcome home party….

The one memory I will never get… is the one memory I did not make… The attack at Big Springs, Texas… You can not remember, what you did not see… the MRI shows a stroke, and if what I do remember is correct, I remember up to the point of impact and after that… it was lights out…

So any memories from Texas from before, those should come back…  The memories of the after… if I am correct and I have written about this… I started making memories again about 8 months after the attack… so my brain was healing and I have to go with the first one I had… the death of my mother’s mother…. and how my mother showed emotion for the first time that I ever remembered for anyone but herself… and that was June 1968 a few months before we left for Japan and a couple of months before my 14th birthday….

If the science I read is correct… there is a damn good chance, those memories I made that haunt me daily… are there… they just have to fix this fistula in my right lobe… and that can not be soon enough… the vein from my carotid going my my neck is sore to the touch…. I think it always has been, I just learned to leave it alone.. now it makes its self known…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remeber… Margie…

Sgt. USAF DAV