Confusion, Indecisive behavior…

Why the headache is in the left lobe also, I can only think it is connected to the fistula in the right side… and most of all… when the left hurts… the confusion is not as bad and the indecisive behavior is not evident…

I have made myself over the last couple months, be more verbal with these issues… so that Mike was aware and also to see if he was paying attention… 25 years together, you get to know one another… but some people can live a life time together and never know anything…

Yep, Mike was paying attention… he noticed some things and some things he just dismissed and that is so normal for the mind that is not geared toward healing… I do wonder what kind of doctor I would have been… catching Mikes heart failure, when he had just been in the ER in Tonasket a couple of months before… yep, I always have been a healer… wish I could heal myself…

But the indecisive behavior the arguments over simple functions that have no need for reasoning, you just do… that’s not me, and that is what I have become… It takes lots of effort to get around this behavior, because it is not natural for me…

I make decisions based on research, facts and realistic goals… right now, I won’t even talk about our moving… the brain can’t handle the thought process of something I have done over 50 times in my life…

I have had pierced ears since the first civil service job I had on Okinawa in 1971… and the other day, I couldn’t use my fine motor skills to put those earrings in the holes… something I have done, you got it… millions of times… 

I do get why dementia is scary… these are those kind of symptoms… only one problem, I can pass any test they give you for dementia… so I know this is related to that fistula in my skull…

Does my ability to disseminate the science and marvel at the ability of the brain to bring forth knowledge I absorbed years ago… make the difference, yes… don’t think I didn’t go there for dementia or MS or Parkinson’s… I did… I meet zero of any of the symptoms for those illness and DNA testing has been done by me and the VA… so I don’t even carry the genes for the illness…

Just that knowledge made it possible for me to figure out that this was related to a TBI and likely multiple TBI’s… doubt if my memory lied to me like so many others did… and I shake my head and I wonder… how high was Margie’s IQ at one time… before the injuries… the test the military gave me overseas, said it was 135 and at the time I was 31 years old… and for those who know… IQ is based in some parts on the age, not just the test you take… I declined mensa back then and now… it’s just a number to me… but that little bit of knowledge always hanging in the back of my brain, didn’t convince me until the MRI report and the fact, all I know and knew was right…

There are sometimes in my life, when I wished that statement was wrong… I have yet to be wrong and with that knowledge what I do not publish, gives me chills, because that is fear racing across my soul…

Mike knows, and If anything happens, he will put the information out there… for now… some things about this journey I have to keep close to my heart…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie…

Sgt. USAF DAV