Life with a Fistula… how the days get worse…

I’ll be honest, I think that is why I tapped down my frustration and anger with the VA health care, because last year, I knew things were bad and not getting better… The one thing I did right in life… Listened to my body and ignored the college educated morons that are so desperate to snuff out my light… FACT… because if that wasn’t the case… this would have been addressed last year and 14 months later after begging for help, gee I threaten with lawyers and they realize, truth does matter… but skeptical they still are and that is why veterans die daily because of medical negligence and stupid egos… patients aren’t suppose to be informed, at least us veterans aren’t…. boy is the VA in for a rude awakening when this thing is fixed… never used a lawyer yet with them… this time, you bet I am hiring one…

So what is it like daily to live with this and watch your body and mind deteriorate… 

It is awful… you know you know things, you know you have knowledge and you trip over your tongue, can not articulate and you look stupid to the person looking back at you… even though your IQ is up there… you wouldn’t know it from what came out of the mouth…

It takes me longer to type these blogs, I hesitate, searching for a word or a phrase and just doing what I have done since I was 16, typing… I typed a 1,000 page legal size court document at Yokota, got a commendation, because you couldn’t make any corrections and we didn’t have computers or anything like that… it had to be letter-perfect, because it was a court document for a murder trial… now I struggle just to type and spell the words, which is why I do not use auto correct… I force my brain to do its job and the head will start to hurt… been like that for a couple of months now and not getting better, which is why I experimented with putting the blog in audio format…but then, even then, I have trouble keeping that train of thought in its place and understandable… as the head hurts more…

I can not lay on my right side for long if any pressure is on the inside of my neck, that has been like that since I got hurt as a kid… and I use the heating pad lots, when the pain in the artery makes the side of my neck and head hurt… which lately on Hawaii which is hot, it is getting used at night before I go to sleep, to give me some relief, so I can sleep…

Keeping the stress at bay is the hardest and my anger over the realization of what my family did is true… I really had hoped they would find nothing on the MRI… but in my heart, I knew they would…

Out walking this morning for our mile and my body wants me to stop, it doesn’t like the heat and the head and nausea hit while we are on the road… and the head hurts, right where the fistula is located…

I so remember, when younger touching that area and feeling a pulse, never thought anything of it, except the area hurt to be touched, so I quit touching it and I quit using a hair brush… I use a pick to comb out my hair… so for a long time, I knew it was there, just didn’t understand what was there… now I do… sigh…

Diet… not eating much, eat what I need, so that isn’t an issue with the shakes or anything like that, but it is the minimum and the dogs are enjoying the extra healthy human food… last time this happened, I dropped to 118 pounds… not pretty, very skinny and frail looking in 98… this time, I have more control… but it is hard to push food down, when the brain says throw it back up….

There are so many symptoms, I hope clear up when they fix this thing… it’s not a matter of if it is there… it’s a matter of will they fix it before it ruptures and I feel my tissue push out on my right temporal lobe area and the eye goes wonky….

I have given my husband a crash course on what to do and what to not let the medical side do if I have a stroke… they give me the wrong thing, and I will bleed out… because this is not in the brain… it’s in the tissues between the brain and my dermis… and sometimes I can feel it when it does its tricks… always could… I just didn’t know what it was… and he has learned, because he repeats to me the things I taught him, so as to protect my life and brain…

I hope the VA takes care of me… I have medicare If I have to pay for this myself and I’ll let the lawyers figure out the money side or Mike will… either way… we will make the government pay for the negligence and coverup of the attempted murder in Big Springs, Texas and for those who don’t know law, that is consider 2nd degree assault and there is no moratorium on pressing charges… so if I wanted to be a total bitch… I would be getting Freda Bagwell arrested about now and let her quake in the horror she did to a little girl… and the heart just beat out of my chest on that thought…

But, I am not that kind of bitch… all I ever wanted from anyone…

The Truth… that doesn’t mean the law won’t go after her… courts will make those government records they sealed… unsealed, they will be opened… because this has nothing to do with national security… this has to do with image of the Air Force…an lawyers like cases like this with so much evidence…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie…

Sgt. USAF DAV