Rapid mental decline, but not dementia…

Spent the morning, not only trying to reassure Mike, but myself, that it is not Alzheimer’s… but I tell ya what if it was… I get why people would freak out when it gets to this stage…

The MRI does indicate a fistula and the way the side of my head has hurt for about 4 months now… I have to go with it and I know I am dealing with rapid mental decline because of it, which mimics dementia…

The weirdest thing about this experience and that is what helps me keep it together, I know it is the fistula… but the weirdest part of the memories slinking off into the abyss, you don’t care, you don’t notice it and you just continue to function…

You would think, not being able to remember things from my kids lives would freak me out… but it doesn’t… all the memories that are being impacted will come back, when they fix the fistula, at least that is my hope…

But with these symptoms, I thought for sure a year ago, when I got my memories back and could tell what was happening… it would scare me, nope, nothing I can do about it… and I think that is because the brain is just along for the ride and I have no fear of what is happening, I find it to fascinating…

I know I am not explaining this well, the headache at the fistula site is nasty today…

I guess the moral of the story, the more informed you are with what you are dealing with, the easier… at least for me… I hate secrets and I hate not knowing, when it comes to my body and my life… they are mine after all… but secrets were kept and now they are open and I am dealing with the consequences of what christians do to their children in America… wow on that one…

I am not scared, in other words… I am fully aware of what is happening and all I can do… hope I wake up every morning and the VA gets its head out of its ass and sends me to a specialist on Oahu, before one morning I wake up and look over to Mike and ask who the hell he is…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I remember.. Margie…

Sgt. USAF DAV