Symptoms & Do I Really Get IT???

I read more psychology than I did neurology… Only since last year, when I got my memories back, did I really apply myself to understanding the neurological part of this journey and you know what… I think I am slowly getting how all of this works together and against the body….

Right now, I can take my mind and thoughts all the way back to my very early years and I can see the memories clearly… Yesterday, with all the headaches and fistula pulsating… I just had a hard time functioning… so this is my supposition… tired of these yet???

When the fistula is not interfering with the blood and oxygen to my brain, the fog lifts and this fog has been with me since before the first psych exam in the military… which the doctor said I was stoned… don’t know how that was possible… I had been in a military hospital for 2 weeks and back then, what they did over pot, would have ruined my life… so straight is exactly how I went in the hospital and fucked up is how I came out… why??? because of rape and attempted murder at Vance AFB in 1980… and less than 2 years later I was pushed out, so the secret would die with me… just a FYI they denied me outside care and actually put the letter in my military medical records… talk about evidence over flowing against the Air Force and it’s corruption…. thank goodness for this goofy IQ crap!!!

Anyhow… sorry, I do go off on a tangent, so shoot me….

I can feel a faint throb in my temple, where I think the fistula is… and last night, we really got into the science and pictures and when I saw what this fistula is and does… it so made sense with these damn headaches… because I can just about guarantee, they will find a feeder line that goes to my left lobe… and those headaches are not fun either and yep, my day goes from bad to worse, like yesterday with that headache…

But that throb… I so remember it as a teenager on Japan after that beating just after we got there and I pissed off Freda and Peggy… ya know, I will never understand how a person can be influenced by anyone and then I hit myself upside the head like I could have a V8 and look at Trump… enough said… weak-minded is just that and nothing you can do about fixing stupid… now if they came out with a manual… it would really need to be tried and true for me to use it… I like my foot up their ass instead, but that gets a little messy…

So if I am lucky today, and I am thinking about a specific time period I am focusing on… just maybe, some memories will come through, like they did this morning… while the head is not playing headache ping-pong… hope springs eternal…

My hands, arms and typing are all responding without to much of a hiccup… and I feel the throb get just a tad stronger and feel pain go down into my carotid artery… that damn thing has been real tender to the touch lately… reminds me of Japan, when I really noticed it… but like I said, after Texas… I didn’t start making memories until about 9 months after the stroke and then Japan happened and I lost more years… Then Okinawa happened and by the time I went active duty… I was screwed… not because of being active duty… because men protected men and my life, my son’s lives had zero value to the Air Force….

Much like that tweet from SAC yesterday about dropping bombs… how Trump got in their heads, freaks me to no end… Nationalist and racist running our country and military…. yep, those hills are looking mighty inviting to me right about now, with a basement that goes a few levels deep…. not paranoia… fear of bigots and their fear and hate they spread… called christianity…

So hopefully today will be good and I will be able to document some memories I have been trying to straighten out in my brain…

FYI, if I pull on the side of my face, near my jaw line, you can feel the pain transverse up the side of my head and I just got a hint of a headache at the fistula site… this is definitely more complex and has been fun to figure out if not scary….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie…

Sgt. USAF DAV