To be Heard, Someone has to Listen….

Depression is in the house… not surprising, when all you get from people is, “hope things go well” or an emoji instead of heartfelt words… Any clue how many cards or gifts I sent to people fighting for their lives??? More than I can count…

Yep, depression is in the house and this time I don’t think it is going to go anyplace soon and there is a good reason for that…

To be Heard….. someone has to Listen… and listening is not a skill most people have, they are too wrapped up on their own little worlds and bias’ and bigotry to hear anything other than their own siren song…

Those you hope hear you, are not listening… be it the kids, grankids or friends… and most of all the doctors…

My voice has been silenced so long, I am ready to retreat back into my private world and step away from all that I started… does that make me a quitter… absolutely not… because If I was a quitter… I would have never gotten this far…

I am so very tired of all this and that is not a good place to be mentally when you are dealing with a Dura Fistula that is likely draining into my brain…

It is remarkable how different it is, with the headaches gone and the brain clear… Mini strokes… I knew this and I lied to myself… You always want things to be better than they are and this time is no different…

I know that pressure is building in the fistula, because my blood pressure on the opposite side of the body is high and for me, dangerously high… the numbers have not come down since the headaches quit… I would like to say this has happened before, but I have no memory of these kind of issues… all that means, I just didn’t do my blood pressure when the symptoms happened and just ignorantly went about my business, unaware that I was a walking time bomb for a stroke or heart attack…

I take some responsibility… I wasn’t able to convey my concerns to the employees at the Veterans clinic in Las Cruces, El Paso VA, Little Rock VA, Spokane VA, Seattle VA, Tuscon VA, Oregon VA and lastly Hawaii’s Hilo VA… So I take responsibility for the head trauma my parents gave me and my inability to communicate…

So If I die, I guess it’s all my fault and not the hundreds of Veterans Employees???

What responsibility do they take??? I forgot, this is Trumps world… where truth doesn’t matter… guess life doesn’t either…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… hope someone does…

Sgt. USAF DAV