Cold Reality, my Memories may be gone…edited

Because I want Mike to understand as much as I do, I just keep reading and reading and reading about how we lose memories and the one thing I keep coming back to.. and the only one that fits me…

Stroke… wow, I just shuddered at that realization and in a way I want to let tears fall, but hey, I hate crying and the stuffy nose thing is not my favorite and the head would hurt… so I will pass on the emotional up heave…

The MRI on the 26th showed no infarct, which is important… but it does show damage to the brain and an old bleed, in other words, when my brain got dented at 13 and I died… those neurons that were connected with synapses, likely died and those memories, those couple of memories that I desperately want back, may be gone for good…

I had hoped that my memory issue was related to something much more simple than a stroke… and the lack of infarct evidence gave me that hope… but the more I read about strokes and how they impact memory, I realize… I was screwed from the get go…

For those who are just joining my little conversation, here’s a little back story…

I know by the time I reached 8 years old, my head had been used as a punching bag… but did I suffer permanent issues, I don’t think so… no those started that hot night in Big Springs, Texas after the birth of the sister that was not my dads… He had been in Vietnam when Freda got pregnant… and her blood type is not possible for my father Don to be hers… but that is the reason I died… for a secret that never was…

Freda started a fight that night with Don and all hell broke loose, that part of the story is in my book I am writing… lets just say, my older half-brother was so badly beaten his dad wanted to ruin my dad, Freda talked him out of it and gave up custody of her oldest child… the image of the christian family was more important than her son… or me…

So I died during that incident and suffered a stroke and according to the recent MRI I had blood on the brain at one time and possible fistula formed (blood clot)… well this was 1967 when the injuries happened…by 1968 the Air Force shipped us off, to cover up the scandal and Freda got pissed at me and so did Peggy, so I got beaten again and this time it scared the hell out of Don and Freda, because I nearly died again… and things in the household settled down until we got sent to Okinawa and in 1971 Don hit me upside the head again… yep that mouth of mine is 100% unfiltered now…

I was 17 years old and it was the last time a human raised a hand to hit me… I am 64 now and well versed in self-defense… big dogs and how to use a gun…

With all that said… by the time I left that home, my brain was in healing mode for years… and when I entered the Air Force in 1977, I had no clue I had died, had a stroke or any other injuries to my body… why???

Because I didn’t remember… the brain did what it needed to do to survive… My high IQ did me no good, because I was always fighting the demons of the past and didn’t know it… and that all came to an end Nov 7, 2017…..

Because on Nov 5, 2017 and deranged airman killed 26 people in Sutherland Springs, Texas and that was the memory trigger for me on Nov 7, 2017… Texas and Air Force cover up…

The rest is history… I have always had the memories of my past that I have now…. I have always had a unique memory ability, which the El Paso VA doctor brought to my attention, in other words he confirmed what I suspected about edetic memory and I stood in Fredas kitchen in 2010 and told her I was missing memory…

As it stands now, I have no address or phone number on my so-called mother Freda, because she knows I can go after her for 2nd degree assault in the state of Texas and if I die from this injury, that is what my husband will go after her for… Don is already dead and his death was not a nice one either… like to think Karma had something to do with it, instead it was just christians behaving badly, nothing knew there….

So I have hope, lots of it, that I am wrong and those memories I am missing will come back, because something about this mess is treatable… but…

I know that if you do not remember within 2 years of a stroke, you likely will never remember… and since the stroke happened in 67 and I was head injured again in 68 and 71… 

I think I am screwed…. and that really sucks…. and it will make writing my book just a little more challenging…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… hope someone does….

Sgt. USAF DAV

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s