Which Direction Now???

Like I said, I got a real good nights sleep, we were in bed at 8PM and didn’t get out of it till 6AM… we were both that tired and over stressed and that is the worse thing you can do to a heart patient or a patient with a brain injury… so this write-up is going on a supposition, so we can come back and see how accurate I was or was not… Remember… I have no problem owning being wrong… wish the college educated would do that… but that would mean head on shoulders and not up ass… so here goes what I think is going to happen and how this journey will come to an end very quickly after the Neurology appointment in February… so here goes…

I have talked how a thought will go zooming across the brain and it hits a wall and if at the right spot, the thought process is gone, poof and I mean the whole thought that I was thinking…

This is something I have been aware of for decades… and that was when I started doing things to help me remember, so that if that happened, I didn’t lose the thought completely… now you get why this blog is so important… maybe to no one else, but to me… this is my bread crumb trail… and it has turned out to be the best thing I could have done…

So when the thought process hits the dead zone we will call the stroke area and I lose that thought, if it doesn’t reroute within a couple of seconds, I know it is gone for good… do I ever get it back, once in a while… and it is always an abstract thought I lose, explain that, I can’t… it just works that way for me… but when it reroutes or hits the dead zone, I can just about pinpoint in my brain where it is happening and you got it… exactly where the stroke is… now you get why sleep was so good last night… I got some of my answers…

MS, Parkinson’s… any of the illness that cause lesions and plaque on the brain or malformation… those didn’t show up in the MRI or MRA… does that rule them out, I would think so, but again, I don’t have a degree…

That being said… what I do know about stroke, and believe you me, I am reading anything and everything I can now, to understand its dynamics and implications for the rest of my life… it explains the past and that is a fact…

So what I thought about the memories that I have lost, and I expect the neuro dude to confirm this… but the memories that I can not recall, were in that area of the brain impacted by the stroke… and memories is something I have done tons of reading about… which is why I knew my sister lied about her infarct she never had… she was protecting herself, because she was instrumental in damaging Margie’s brain…

It just amazes me, how astute I was as a child, walked through life, served my country, led a productive life and I still came out on top compared to my siblings… who have lied, stole, cheated, raped and abused all in the name of their gods… Freda may have stole those lives… but the one she could never control…

Margie….

I expect to be sent to physical therapy so I can learn some more tools to make my life better and keep my mobility and also make the brain use other areas more productively…

Will I ever have a normal life… lol, no…. The stroke altered my personality and the little girl who has fought me for decades to be heard, will always be a part of me and she will be the one to make me cringe when Maggi does something she doesn’t like… but when it comes down to it…

Maggi is the one that owns this life… and Margie is free of her cell and she lets me know she is in there, because she does have one quirky sense of humor as hubby has found… and others will to, if they are receptive…. I tolerate zero bigotry from any human….

As for all the head pain, I think, if they X-ray the skull, we will find I have an old fracture or dent or something that shows why that area of my head hurts and has always hurt since Margie died in Big Springs, Texas….

I also know, that excitement and adrenaline will never be my friend, it triggers head pain and the tachycardia…

Now about the heart… I had a bunch of test done at El Paso VA and they found no issues with my heart, except for the vessel that is partly occluded and I think that is a result of CPR or blunt force trauma, when Margie died…

I broke my ribs on my right side when I got drunk once, back in the 90’s… but I never sustained any injury to my left ribs… yet they always hurt and they hurt just like the 2 ribs I broke in half on the right side… do you know it took me 3 months to seek medical care and when they x-rayed my ribs and said when did you do this, they were stunned… now you get it… because of all the damage to my central nervous system by being beaten so often in the Bagwell household… I don’t feel pain the way you do… and yes those broken ribs put men in the hospital whining like babies… and some think I don’t deserve to be a veteran… wow, men and their impotent brains between the legs… just saying…

Anyhow… not sure what the neuro doc will do, I am not interested in taking any paper tests… took my last one at El Paso and it is sad that doctor was murdered by a patient… the man was brilliant and he used all of his brains… just saying…

According to all I have read about strokes… every issue I am having is related to it…

As for all the pain I deal with, that is likely related to one or both of the neuropathy issues I have….

As for the vision problems… DNA testing says I carry one gene for MD and my mother has glaucoma… both I have known about for decades and I think now that the MRA showed no issues with my eyes… it is time to go back to an eye doctor and tell them, when you check me… I had a stroke at 13 on the right frontal lobe and have vision issues and let them do the job they are being paid for… you can not tell them anything if you have no proof…look how long it took to convice the doctor I have now…

I don’t think any of these people know what truth really is and when it happens, their religious behavior takes over and those of us who live by truth suffer…. all because of man made gods… wow you just can not fix stupid… and I am so over trying too… fixt their stupid I mean…

Physical therapy is in my future, no doubt about that, exercise will become more a part of my life than I like, but skinny weenie I will become once again… I know, been there done that… and I will know when the head hurts when doing exercises… it’s because of the shell of the body, and not the brain…

So we are 3 weeks away from seeing the neurologist and we will see how accurate this write-up is…

Am I interested in Neuropsychology…. NOPE!!! If my brain helped to keep me sane and alive for 5 decades without doctors… It will keep me alive as long as the body says the heart will pump… educated is only good if they make use of the education and leave judgemental behavior outside… but hey they are human and think they are know it alls…. NOT!!!! I am proof of that… but doc was right about nothing acute in the brain… so she got points for that…

So yea, it should be interesting what happens next….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… and if all goes well, her book will be a best seller and she will always be remembered as a fighter and survivor… who never let christians steal her soul….

Sgt. USAF DAV