Past moments in time make sense, finally…

Last night when Mike and I were talking, it was obvious I still have work to do… I asked if he noticed any changes, since I got my memories back in Nov 2017…. and his response was…

“You are still angry and you have every right to be”… Well that ticked me off and I told him why It ticked me off… I stated….

“It is not so much anger, but frustration with how the medical side has blocked me every step of the way, until the MRI on the 26th of December… It’s as if, my words have zero value to the doctors and they act like I have to prove what I am talking about”!!!

Yes I am still angry, angry like before, no, that part has passed… but angry, because the medical and psychological medical community had blocked me at every turn… and that is not paranoia talking that is facts talking…

Imagine for 40 years since I went active duty in 1977… I have tried to get doctors to listen and hear… 40 years with Tachycardia that I didn’t understand, and totally freaked me out… 40 years of speech, memory, physical issues, that I could not explain and kept being told by many doctors, it was all in my head…

Well hello to that statement… it sure was all in my head… Right frontal lobe shows an old stroke and a bleed on the brain at one time… so yep it was all in my head… just not the fantasy the medical community insisted it was… wow, that was one big sigh I just let loose on…

And people wonder why I have absolutely no respect for the college educated doctors I have dealt with… when you have your medical records that cover your whole adult life… and you try to convince someone, you suffered a severe brain injury, but because I look fine on the outside and most of the time I don’t have communication issues… I was talking out my ass… holy crap on a cracker you can not fix the stupid of the college educated… all that means when they graduate, do residency… they passed tests… nothing more… but passed tests… anyone can do that if they study the subject matter… the one thing these morons never learned…

SHUT UP AN LISTEN!!!! Ugh!!!!

Understanding what I have been living with explains why I tire so easily mentally… and why sleep was and is so important for my well-being… and sleep, that is something I do not get much of, if the brain is being bothered by outside morons, like the doctors I have had to deal with… like right now!!! Called the office to tell them to schedule the eye doctor and you would have thought I became public enemy number one by the attitude and tone of voice… people must really think I am stupid and not able to read them… how do you think I got where I am… I am extremely observant… just ask Mike… he heard the phone call I made Tuesday morning!!!

When I cut all my blood cousins loose that I grew up with , on face book, calmness came back into my life and I didn’t understand that until I realized, the whole family knew what happened to me… getting them out of my life and keeping my birth family out of my life… is what gave me the opportunity to explore the memories that the family was trying to poison with their spin on the stories… how sad those lives are, because they thought they had a right to interfere with mine… sigh…. you really can not fix stupid and I am so over trying…

There are still many questions that need answering, like why I have pain in my skull and I think I know that answer, but it’s one that is hard to research… but, a bone scan would give some answers, not sure regular x-rays will do it… that being said… the one bone scan I do have does show damage, through out my body and I remember that quorum of orthopedic doctors asking me at Tripler, are you sure you have never been in a bad car accident or been beaten… at that time I had to say no, because I didn’t remember and when I called Freda from Japan and asked… of course she lied…

The bone scan shows damage to my skull, rib cage, arms, legs and spine… I wish I knew what box it was in, I would dig that film out and take it with me to the neurology appointment…  Hard to believe anyone would do this to a child… but it explains so much of the pain I deal with and the stroke tells me why I tire mentally when I am doing something that takes so much mental process… like ancestry DNA… 

I have had several DNA cousins reach out to me recently and it takes an effort for me to read the DNA and tell them how they are related…most of the time I get it right, but not always… and that is because of the stroke on my brain… that Freda denied ever happened… it really is a good thing we are not on the mainland… I would go and find the bitch and let her know a few things… but then I would end up in jail and that has never happened before, and it’s not going to happen now… No instead, I just look at the obituary for Mena, Arkansas… always hoping her name appears…

I told Peggy a few years ago, it wouldn’t be over until the woman was dead… and I didn’t even remember the abuse at that time, but my heart and brain did… for a christian woman, she is the most brutal, hateful human being along side of the man already dead… her co-conspirator… Don Bagwell… If I believed in gods and hell, I would wish him the worse… but death was it, there is nothing after you die…

I know… I died at 13 years of age at the hands of Don and Freda Bagwell…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… may her voice be heard around the world…

Sgt. USAF DAV