Last write of the day, PTSD is not winning!!!

Used to, any time I had to deal with something like firing my doctor, I would be in over drive on heartbeats and the tachycardia would play a big role in me being over the throne…

I didn’t used to have that kind of problem… it started after the farce push out, when I was discharged… and I would say that really helped the PTSD along back then… even though I had no clue about any of it… 

Not the beatings, not the stroke and not my own death… yep PTSD is one lousy son of a bitch and I have beaten it up before and it comes back and it knocks me on my ass and I just shake my head to clear it and go after it once again…

Well today I fired my primary doctor… I started to let Mike do it and I realized as he answered the phone call from that office, I didn’t have a racing heart and I was actually calm… an no I was not smoking a joint…

So I took the call and just calmly stated that I had selected a new provider and please cancel any appointments I have with them and thanked them…

I did make sure when I talked with Tri-west that my neurology appointment in a few weeks would not be impacted by my firing the primary provider and she verified that it was not… I have waited since last fall to see this doctor,  wasn’t about to give that up when I am so close…

The PTSD is melting away… it’s not gone, I still have a nightmare once in a while, mostly now It is just regular dreaming… the day, what ever got under my skin or who ever I helped with DNA research… but nothing real bad…

I still do have a couple of issues to deal with from my past and I am hoping that I will get to the end of this part of the journey this year… the fear is gone, the darkness has left me… all I have left is a couple of questions about one incident… once that memory is resolved… I think, mind ya not something I do well, but I think… the rest of it, is just teaching my brain to react differently when situations like today arise and instead of the fear and flight mode being in control…

I am …

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who loved to build forts…

Sgt. USAF DAV