Death and how to put it in the story…

When I faced the trauma that happened in that craftsman style house in Big Springs, Texas… just up the road from the movie theatre… at first I couldn’t look at the memory without dread, fear and most of all darkness…

The darkness from the death… and not seeing light for months on end… ya know, death isn’t what you think… for all the bull shit people say on TV that they saw heaven, and family and angels singing… their brain was just coping with what was happening so you don’t freak out… if you look at what dogs and cats do when they die… they will go off and find a place away from anyone and everything and curl up and pass a way… I watched 3 of our dogs do that…. the last one we had for 17 years… and I had to go out in the middle of the night and find him, so he was with us when he passed…

For humans, we are so afraid of the unknown we cling to superstition and religion, which is just white man’s way of taking control of the last thing you do in life… Die…. or maybe like me, you get another chance…

I saw no angels, no forefathers, no singing… it was just complete and total darkness and that is why I am claustrophobic… not because the stupid sister locked me in a closet… but because I had already experienced the most confining situation you can…

Death…

When they did my MRA last Monday, the meds had not kicked in and when he put me in the tube, I just laid there and thought… this I can get out of… death, I had to fight my way out… and the MRA was over before I had even processed what I had just learned…

I didn’t fear tight places anymore, because I didn’t fear death…

Our brain is the most amazing toy we have and I will never understand anyone who puts chemicals in their body to change how the brain works… but then maybe I do… I did drink a lot at one time… though I never forgot anything when I drank, so it was easy for me to walk away from that avenue of escape…

I think that is why I appreciate how hard I have fought to be heard, to be seen and to be recognized for surviving the worse christians could do to a child… and in the end… I am the one who won… Christians lost their souls and humanity to a god that does not exist…

I kept my humanity and have shared my wealth, my whole life… I have a feeling though, things are about to change… and for once in my life… I will be selfish with what I have… so few deserve to share it… because so many turned their backs on…

Margie…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… because so many wanted her to stay silent, so they could live off the fruit of her labors…

Sgt. USAF DAV