Nightmares and meds… do not mix…

Not sure what to do about this, but continue in direction I am… but this BP medication, even splitting the pill in half and just taking it late morning… still screws with my sleep…

I have so many questions for that neurologist when I see him… I sure hope he is as smart as he thinks… it is one confusing subject matter and without that formal education to help me along… It just drives me goofy trying to figure it out….

Mike sees a vascular specialist this year and that is after my Neurology appointment, so I can’t ask questions before my appointment… which are just general, about vascular disease and neuropathy and all the pain and symptoms I deal with…

I have always known, when I get mentally tired, I screw things up and make mistakes… perfectionist, I have never been… but I hate doing work over, because I made mistakes… I am one of those, do the task, do it right and move on to the next task at hand…

I made a big mistake yesterday, when looking at DNA comparisons, and had to go back and run the tests again and apologize to the person for being wrong… by the end of the day yesterday… my brain was on vegetate… it just wanted brain candy off the Science channel and no thought process involved… in other words, my brain wanted lala land… and I gave it over to it… but…

Last night was anything but good sleep, I tossed and turned, I dreamed and not good dreams and I was out of bed at least 4 times after I went to bed… so not a good night for sleep…

I know I can not cut that BP med into quarters, I think that dose is too low, to keep my numbers in hypertension 2 stage..

I am curious if this hypertension is because of the brain injury or is it related to neuropathy… both are possibilities… but until I am told by a doctor that is what I am dealing with…. it’s just speculation on my part…

I have hope, when the physical therapy starts, it will help, with the blood pressure and the pain I have going up both sides of my neck… which could be related to the whip-lash damage from all my beatings… Don did toss me around like a rag doll and I have never had an accident that would cause this damage, and it has been going on since before the 90’s… so I will go with, it is from the beatings and subsequent damage…

How can any adult take a small child and beat them and think that is okay… How can any adult hit a toddler, like I saw in Wal-mart and the child was less than 3 years old and the mother slapped the little girl as if she was an adult… this happened 2 christmas’ ago at the Hilo Wal-mart… and I never forgot what that woman and man looked like and If I ever see them again and they do that again in public, my phone will be dialing 911… and you ask why didn’t I do that before… 

Because that was within a month of me getting my memories back and I was still in a mental fog, adjusting to my new reality… but my brain never forgot that moment in time at Wal-mart and I have seen the couple since than… and I watch, they may not understand me watching them, but I will never abandon another child again…

I own my fear and I own my lack of action… and that toddler has never been far from my mind’s eye… which is why I remember what the people looked like… and you couldn’t miss them, both adults were over 6 foot tall… and Hawaiian…

Ignorance is the balance we deal with when it comes to violence… I hope that baby survives that home…

I know I am very lucky to be walking and talking and most of all thinking…. It takes courage to stand up to anyone who commits violence…

I hope mine doesn’t let me down if I ever see anything like that again… I hope the flight or fight mechanism never comes back into my life…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who would stand up to the biggest bully and take that beating and still her voice was not silenced…

Sgt. USAF DAV