Stroke at 13 and a fight for my humanity…

I can remember not being able to stay mad at the man who beat me so violently… I can remember the last time he laid a hand on me at 17… I couldn’t help but grin, when he walked in that bowling alley at Naha, carrying suitcases so they could ship me back, to where I had no clue… but afraid he was… yet I knew not… I had already forgotten the violence… the brain died a little more that day…

Each blow Don & Freda gave me to my head, took from me every time…. they were sitting at Alines, all us kids in bed and I heard Freda say, “we were told she would not remember anything”….

It makes so much sense when I told her a memory, that I should not have known, because of the brain damage they caused… but Margie… oh my… that child knew so much and she left bread crumbs along the way, so that when the time came she could fight for her humanity….

Remembering your own death is creepy in itself, but remembering so much that should be gone, because of the damage to my brain by that stroke at 13… I do marvel at the strength of this one organ we can not live with out… but if it is damaged, it can destroy us without thinking about it… mine almost did… always about choice… always…

I made choices and I fought against the person I was not… not realizing the brain injury had altered me much more than I liked… it took me, the person I am, so far out of my comfort zone… my safe place….

I could not wait for the day, when age would erase what others saw… only when that happened, would I become like everyone else…

I never understood the envy of other women, I never coveted what they had, I looked at their light, they looked at my skin… at times it has been a very solitary life, because that is where I felt safest….

I know this stroke that is so old, took more from me, but not my soul… Margie is always there to remind me with that impish grin… we live and that is a gift….

Margie5yr

The only picture I have, where the eyes do not show the pain she suffered… yet sad, just the same…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who never gave in….

Sgt. USAF DAV