When Fear Walks With You….pg 2…

I longed for that darkness that took me that hot night in Big Springs…. and I prayed to a god that never was… because if their was a god, we would have zero issues on our planet… instead misogynistic men created this demon from hell that they call Jesus’… who was a tool, so the men could control the world and in a way they succeeded… wars are ongoing in the middle east over a god that does not, nor has it ever existed and the people suffer, because they are not educated… but you look at Americans who have access to education and they are still blinded by the darkness of a story thousands of years old… 

The darkness walked with me and that glimmer of light, seeing Freda show emotion for a mother that abandoned her to an orphanage, so very long ago… the guilt and tears flowing freely…

That was my first memory of Don ever showing true concern for the psycho path he was in love with… 2 kindred spirits of hate, bigotry and most of all fear for the things they did to their children and each other… praying to a deity that does not exist, instead of getting psychological professional help… and it continues today in America… look at the Riverside kids that were rescued… or the mormon cult who swaps daughters for their sexual pleasure… why would a god condone this??? Because there is no god and never will be…

As the time passed, after Ruby’s death… grandmother I never met or knew… we prepared for our move to Japan… this was the summer of 68….

I would hang out with Delilah, Alines daughter, she was tolerant of me, only because they all knew I had died… I have no respect for these morons from hell…. secrets are for children and these people played god, because that is the only god that exists… Humans, controlling other humans….

We stayed in a dive of a place, no money, waiting for those plane tickets to join Don at Johnson AFB, Japan… I babysit and took my money and bought food, so we could have a good meal… I was so tired of being hungry… and Freda’s comment was not a thank you, but, “You should have bought a whole chicken it is cheaper”…  I was only 13 and the first time I ever bought groceries… I never did it again for that family, until the death watch as Don lay dying… money I didn’t have in 06, but my siblings and family ate it all and took what was left home to their own homes… Tiny was the only one to contribute and Freda got that money, because… and that is another story….

We waited for those plane tickets and when Don left to go to Japan it was my birthday and I was turning 14… and he said, I will have a gift for you when you get to Japan…

That gift, never appeared, but the beating that did happen, left a lasting impression upon my brain and soul… as did the grin Peggy had as Don walked down that hall taking off his 2 inch belt to hit on a child less than 90 pounds… I remember the first blow and Peggy’s grin and Freda, saying that will teach her… and I lost more of my time on this planet… to the darkness I knew so well…. my first memory of Japan…

The hate was palpable then as it is now from those 2 women… believers in a god, because to admit their heinous behavior to their own blood, just couldn’t be… why??? Because, the story would be it was all Don, when in fact… It was always Freda… the psycho from hell… I would lose another year or two because of that beating… but it bought the other kids peace, because they nearly killed me again and it was all about the retirement and honorable discharge… my life had no value to them… and I learned to hate the mother and sister from hell….

But my life does have value, to me….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who escaped into the world of books and lived there for many years….

Sgt. USAF DAV