Yep I do Stupid….

I am uploading a picture and the picture is a reminder to myself to quit doubting myself and accept what I already know and embrace what is coming and most of all….  quit doubting myself…

25de51b9-2bc8-4749-8490-13a4a37578da-1697-000002895d6af2b7_file

Barely had enough signal to upload… okay, these movies are important to this, so a little back story…

I have lived in Europe and I have always watched BBC when I got the chance… so when these tv shows came out on PBS, I started watching them and we saw these in a store, Hastings I think was the name…

So we started looking for the whole set, we think we got them all…. 

Out of all these shows that we bought, only a couple did we watch on PBS before we got hooked, so when we got the whole set, we had one night a week that we would watch a box, which was 3 to 4 shows… so it could take a couple of nights to watch the whole box…

Well we bought all these back in 2010/2011….  before we moved here in 16… we sat down an started to watch from the beginning and we realized, I knew every one of the shows, even though I had only seen most of them once…

Now you get it… my memory ability has always been there, but, when you are dealing with family and they are feeding you lies………..

I think, for all the issues I have with Hawaii… Hawaii turned out to be my life saver…. because it was on Hawaii that I took the time out of my day to tell Mike about a memory from Big Springs, Texas… and yes Sutherland Springs murder would have still happened, but would I have been in the same place to take that deep breath and start talking about a ghost of a memory that was 50 years old…. That was Nov 7, 2017….

That is one thing about this journey I do acknowledge… I was in lots of denial and once I started embracing the truth of the reality of what Margie lived through… That is when I stood up to fear and told Freda on thanksgiving day 2017….

I Remembered…. the doubt will be an issue and it is something I am working on, and the denial, it’s a work in progress and I have made myself not make comments that takes away from what I have achieved and I work diligently not to make excuses for the professionals that failed me… unlike the college educated…

I believe in me and that truly is all that matters…. and the doubt, will melt away, just like the PTSD is doing… it just all takes time… not like I can just get up an go anyplace… Hawaii isn’t all that big…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… with eyes that could see through you…

Sgt. USAF DAV