Memories just became the new game in town…

The fear of the unknown is no more… though I have to admit, kind of surprised the neuro doc had not seen the MRI & MRA reports… no big deal… but still, you would think things would work better in America’s health care system… and I have found that just isn’t so anymore…

The neurologist can not help me, because I have no interest in medicating my brain… I want to play, not have it sleep… and I want to be the one who decides what chemical reaction I have to my moments in time and not some medication… I want to live it, experience it and feel it… never got the zombie complex and religion is a zombie complex and medications are the other demons… I will pass…

Since I didn’t want medication he mentioned psychology and I passed on that and he agreed… I am way ahead of what any professional would do…

What I found intriguing about the appointment today… when I told the neurologist how everything changed, when I got my memories back… how all the chaos and confusion and paranoia were so much yesterday…. and how I could tell when reactions in my brain were different from before… the doctor took notice and that was when he said… 

“This isn’t about you having mental retardation or impairment…. this is about the missing gaps in your memory from your childhood”… that was his light bulb moment… and he acknowledge that I was way ahead of the game on this journey…

I did tell him, the only reason I was there, get it official… and make sure that I understood all that had transpired in the last 16 months and I understood the ups and downs of the journey yet to come…

Remembering the rest of the nightmare…. He did say that going to a place the brain doesn’t want to is difficult… and I simply stated…

I did that on Nov 7, 2017, after the murders in Sutherland Springs, Texas… Big Springs, Texas is where Margie died and this whole nightmare began…. and that was when the doctor knew… the only one who could help me from here on out…

Me… I have to go into those dark places and put myself in place of a christian, who was hell-bent on having her world her way and she took no prisoners and left many casualties in her wake…

Freda… mommy dearest….

I look at it this way… If I haven’t recovered anymore memories, by the time we move back to Washington state… Well, I know they have the health care professionals that will help me take those final steps if I need them…

Elliptical is all put together, PT is doing its job… the rest is up to me… wish me bad dreams… and no bangers at 3 AM….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who was a daredevil….

Sgt. USAF DAV