PTSD… Facing it head on…. no turning back…edited…

The one thing the neurologist said today, and yes I am having the conversation over in my head… as much as I don’t like the edetic memory ability, moments in time like today, I am grateful it is there…

The doctor went to this subject after my giving him some information, we hit on lots of topics in that short time and I was very concise, only went off track once… 

PTSD… everything I talked about was PTSD related… the missing memory, the blows to the head…. the frustration of getting to this point and finally being heard…

He did leave it open for me to be put on medication down the road and I declined and I knew as I walked away from that facility…

The medical side of this journey is over… there is nothing more to learn about the medical side of the physical issues from domestic violence…. 

No, the next part of this journey is the path down the dark side…

Ya know, I think that is why I was so enamored with Star Wars when it came out… it allowed me to face the darkness that I had been exposed to, and I still have a difficult time going down that dark path… but I must, I have no other choice…

Facing the Big Springs, Texas near death incident and the loss of so much, because of Freda’s infidelity… put more marks on me that I thought possible…

The doctor today is right… I have lots of work to do on the PTSD part of this and not one foot step is going to be anyplace close to the light…. I was looking forward to another aspect of this journey, but what happened in the doctor’s office, brought to light… the fact I have to face the dark…in our world, both are part of our lives…

I often wondered, when I let myself get lost in Steven King’s work… his mind is brilliant, when it comes to the twisted aspect of humanity… much like what I lived and so many more of us out there… I just happen to survive….but does King really get the imprint of horror that people like me lived and can I convey it by telling Margies story….can I do what King does…maybe he does get it… the dark side…intriguing thought…

The doctor gave me hope, when I told him about Texas… he said, I could remember all of it… the fact that I have no visible death on my brain is why he thought that… he did explain how the stroke impacted the brain and the stain on the brain… reason I went to see him… educated I am not… answers I wanted… today I got them…

PTSD… not a fun ride, but one I have been on since 1960…. I was 6 years old… I will be 65 this year… at one time I would have sighed, dropped my shoulders and got up and got a munch, to calm the fear… not this time… no… this time I am telling myself go to bed and have bad dreams… lets face the demons and put it pen to paper…

Lets write… Margie’s song…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who knows what childhood lost is….

Sgt. USAF DAV