Brain Restrictions Bye Bye….

Even I surprise myself in my ability to migrate my thought process in such a way, the transition is smooth if not disturbing to the pattern of life I slipped into…

When the Japan beating happened after the Texas beating and stroke… and I started having issues in school with a narcolepsy type situation and I had no one to turn to or ask for help, unless you call the base church help, not from my memory, it was just another cover up place for abuse… sorry I digress…

After that stuff started around the age of 15, It took me about 10 years to teach my brain to go into another place… I taught myself how to bury my memories and act like I was living in the moment… when in reality, I was fighting a battle in my brain to bury the past and forget all I could forget… and it worked… for 5 decades it worked…

When I thought, that all my issues were physical and not mental illness, I was all for it… let it be the body and not the brain… quality of life over quantity… well that didn’t pan out and the brain had to step back an adjust to the reality, as much as I hate it and as much as I don’t want to get there…

I have to address the elephant in the room… PTSD, due to repressed traumatic memories… and the fact that Freda and Peggy are both living and not talking… so I am 100% on my own in this journey… I will NEVER not hate religion and those cowards that hide behind fear… while they beat on a child… sorry, I digress again…

Sleep is not happening… even though I am exercising and being more active… the brain goes into overdrive when I hit the pillow… and the dreams start and this is never fun, because I have to remember the dream, so that I can own it and it not own my nights anymore…

This takes so much effort and it takes a lot from my night-time sleep…The mental health worker said baby steps… that does not work for me, because I know the memory is there…

I just don’t want to face it… I would rather do anything else than think about my past and in some ways I am doing just that… making myself go to another place and give my brain a break from trying to figure out the last of these memories…

I remind myself that I quit the thyroid drug and that is playing a factor in sleep right now… and we have neighbors who have roosters and they are playing a factor at 3AM when they decide we should wake up… and I am just a little stressed over our move that will happen in the next 18 months…

When this morning wake up came from next door, I lay there and thought… I can fixate over this crap, or I can just get up and do my day and not worry about it, just let things happen and quit fighting it… Easier said than done… but hey, I just saw Neuro a couple of weeks ago… It isn’t going to happen over night…

And that is exactly how I am going to approach this… Satellite internet gets installed Thursday… I have WP to learn and Writers Block to learn and lots of stuff I need to fix or update… so let the brain drain begin and that is usually when my brain will let me see more… because I wore it out…

That is one thing about the TBI’s I never got until I was told for sure I had a stroke… how fatigued I got, when learning anything new… didn’t matter the subject, if it was work, regulations or procedures or computer tech… learning new, always meant a more relaxed mind, because it was fatigued… something that started after the Japan beating around 15 years old… funny how I figured out how to compensate for what I didn’t know about… yep our brain, the most powerful muscle we have… to bad people like Trump and christians don’t use it… we would have a quieter, safer world… an my life would be so very different…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who loved to dance…

Sgt. USAF DAV