Reality Bites…

If I have learned nothing else about my life… Reality bites and sometimes that reality can be cruel beyond belief and my first 17 years on this planet were just that… oh yea for reliving that time period…

But the reality of my last 25 years with my husband and his family… Don’t get me wrong, I love my step-daughter… she has taught me more about motherhood than my own two sons… but…. we have a reality issue and unless it is addressed, it will continue to cloud the relationship….

I asked Mike how he felt about not moving… Yes I am not happy with Hawaii, but that may be some of my own making and I have lived in far worse places in our nation… I’m just not in a big hurry to make a move that may have no benefit to me… just that simple, this move has to give me something and right now… there’s nothing, other than buying acreage in the middle of some place, so that I have peace and quiet… I can get that here, it’s just going to take the trees outside my window a couple of years to grow and afford that peace; quiet, not so much, but that just means closing the house up and turning on the AC so outside noise goes bye-bye…

When people make choices thinking that they are protecting me or Mike, that’s when things can go horribly wrong…

I wanted our kids to all have DNA tests… for health reasons because of the amount of cancer and other bizarre illness’ that may lay in waiting…

One child did the test, the other child has no contact with us and the other child has not done the test, even though we paid for it and they have had possession of the test for a few years… now why would you ignore getting this done, when all you got to do is spit in a tube and mail it…

Well my speculation is this… they think one of us is not their biological parent… when I brought this up to hubby, he didn’t seem surprised….

I grew up in a home that is 100% built on manipulation and lies…. when someone tries that game on me as an adult, it sets off every spidey sense I got and it causes problems with trust… and if you have read my blog…

Trust is the first and foremost thing in my life and I don’t give a damn who you are… Husband or child… violate that trust and we do not have a relationship… we have a game of chess and since I don’t play chess… I will walk away from this type of relationship and I will keep the distance great…. why???

Trust…. they choose to play a game and manipulate what they have no right to manipulate… our lives… 

I always offer the opportunity to learn and when someone takes that opportunity to manipulate…

That proverbial wall I have talked about and what Trump wants… but in reality will never get…

I do get… and it’s my wall and it just gets higher…

I have been open and honest, if I can not get the same back… we will continue to associate, but that wall will make it so much harder to be intimate and honest…

I have choices to make and for some reason… that just seems to get pushed further away and I am content to just stay put…

Honesty and trust… I give nothing else in life… when I don’t get it back… I leave the wall exactly where the other person built it… I didn’t build the wall… I told the truth and I was honest…

Others can not say the same… and I have a feeling, my leaving Hawaii may be more than just a few months away, it could be years….

Funny how life works, just because of the choices others made….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who has always been honest…

Sgt. USAF DAV