Depression never left the house…

Sitting and playing one of my games, where I can let my brain wonder if it want’s and I am thinking about the depression and the fact that it never left, I just live with varying degrees of it…

My playing my game, tells me where I am at right now… I’m good, not down, not feeling low, not preoccupied, and I am playing my game, which is an activity I haven’t done much of lately…

I get that the stroke and the subsequent beatings took more than I know right now… and not knowing that information, when Freda & Peggy are living makes it hard not to go to the dark place they reside….

The more I acknowledge the depression and its varying degrees that I deal with, it does not win… but I think the more I understand my psychological make up, the better informed decision I can make, If I choose to seek mental health help in trying the hypnosis… The neurologist said there was a chance I could remember everything… I just may need some help…

Will I ever be free of depression, I can not answer that… I am still trying to understand a stroke I knew nothing about, that happened when I was 13 years old… and I remind myself I have only had my memories back 14 months…

It’s not like I can rip the band aid off and see the open wound… my reading of PTSD tells me I have to face it all and can’t skip out on the desert course either…

I have to give myself time to get on board with these dreams and memories… I have seen ghosts of them, just got to open Pandora’s box and let them fly….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who loved to giggle….

Sgt. USAF DAV