Diary… pushing the limits…

I am trying to force myself to go where no man has gone before…echo…..echo……

Anyhow… It’s an easy pattern to fall back into and ignore the PTSD and put my interest and thoughts in another direction… Done it my whole life… self-preservation…

Not sure this idea will pan out, but I will continue to write in the diary outline, is what Mike calls it… I don’t remember any of my high school english class… 

So we will see where it takes me… My idea is to try to put the memories down like I have done the last 2 and see if I can keep them chronological and put down only those memories that play a part in the PTSD…

How do I know they play a part… all the memories are connected to some kind of violence…

The Neurologist thought I could remember the memories that I am missing… and I think he knew what he was talking about… I can see ghosts of memories, but I can not connect them together and I have to make sure that it’s a real memory and not a story from anyone in the family and not one I made up to survive….

I will only go up to about age 19… so far I am up to age 6…. we’ll see what today brings… it may bring nothing… or I may remember everything….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… and those dimples….

Sgt. USAF DAV