Wanting results and getting questions instead…

How I had hoped this was a medical issue that could be dealt with and expectations and concerns gone…

No… this has to be all about the psychological side of domestic violence, repressed memories, depression and PTSD… naturally I get the easy road of figuring it all out, because mental health, let me down repeatedly and if I use them again, it’s only to go the hypnosis route…

Neurology said I could get my memories back… pushing myself to look at the first 19 years and leave everything else out of the thought process, didn’t do much for me…

Had some weird dreams, no clue if they are memories… and that just made for a few days of depression that I caused, by focusing on those years… yep I did stupid…

If I have this high functioning memory ability, it doesn’t work like it should… and I come back to the one thing I can not change…

I have only had my memories back come March 7th… 15 months… and in that time I got the physical side answered and now know the truth about my physical limitations and those I am working on…

As for the memory part… holy crap on a cracker… I am dealing with people, who believe a man was born a god on planet earth and they did everything they could to sacrifice me for this god… and I am the one with brain injury… wow… double wow…!!!

Not a lot of time has passed, but a lot of information has come to light and most of it has been proven… thanks to the doctors here on Hawaii… and with help from the VA system… though I am still waiting since May of 2018 for dental surgery… timely, not so much… at least I know how to deal with the pain I live with daily, because of my mouth and knowing of all the blows to my head, explains a lot of the pain, so I deal, like I always have… I deal with the pain, because the VA system is an all knowing god entity… another wow on that one…  wonder how long they will make me wait to get my vision back… I haven’t driven a car in 7 months… yep that bad…

A woman veteran doesn’t seem to have much value in America and that is truly sad, but not surprising… Mike gets immediate care and he is my dependent…  just because he has CHAMPVA because of me… 

I think I just got a little depressed… so I am trying to just do what I can for the research, get on-line and order the stuff I couldn’t get before and start the fight for federal records… oh joy… learn this new software I am playing with and just keep at it…

The book is not going to happen over night and my adjusting to the reality I suffered a stroke at 13 and never got told… well my christmas present to me was a MRI on 12/26/2018… sister never did provide her proof… no more pain on that thought… betrayed because of fear… oh well… that’s life… 

I did find an interesting entry in my VA records about the rape counseling program… no mention of the rape by the lieutenants… I was asked about rape and started at the beginning, when I did that, I was dismissed, because I didn’t get to mention the rape in the military… that OCR program is going to be a gold mine for information about federal employees and their lack of training… said it for years, they are not working for veterans, they are working for a paycheck and benefits… that’s why I like the set up I have now…

Things to do, wet gloomy day so far… feels more like fall than spring…. an we plan to move back to a 4 season environment… we have got to be bat shit crazy!!!

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who loves puppy dog tails…

Sgt. USAF DAV