Margie & Maggi playing brain limbo…

Pushing myself to look at the repressed memories in different ways is not as easy as it sounds… It takes focus, a lot like meditation and getting that quiet around here, just isn’t happening…

That did really make our decision about moving… my need for quiet so I can finish this journey I started Nov 7, 2017…

So many behavioral things are being recognized… How as a young teenager I adapted, to survive… and as a young adult, the life I led, probably would  not have happened, if not for the brain injury from stroke and brain bleed… that action altered my thought process for about 30 years and from what I have read, it is perfectly normal… but I still blush over the life I got to have, what an action packed fun-filled ride… no regrets…

Nuances of how I look at stress and life in general, I see more how I came to make those choices… Honestly this memory ability spooks me to no end, because my brain will actually go to a day, 50 years ago, as if it happened 30 seconds ago and relive that moment in time… talk about out-of-body experience… something like, “I see dead people” type of de ja vu…

The brain chemistry will continue to evolve…  I can tell one thing… I won’t be the one making adjustments for other people… want to be in my world… you have to adjust to mine… I am over being what I never was, because of several brain injuries…

The last 16 years have shown me that… Mike and I do not go out of our way to make friends, get to know neighbors… we are actually very solitary people and we like it that way… why we are moving home… good question… quiet, land and my ability to travel to the scenes of the crimes… and much more…

Did you know bi-polar is split personality??? Have lived these last 50 years with no knowledge of the past, it was a game that went on in my head, until Nov 7, 2017… when I remembered….

So much accomplished in that short time… getting the medical answers, which really do make a world of difference with how I deal with so much physical non stop pain… knowing about the PTSD and why the nightmares… all of this has helped me get to the end of the road I am walking… the light within reach…

Still more to do… wish hubby did know as much psychology and brain chemistry as me… but I bring things up and it makes me stay honest and true to the course of recovery, he may not understand the in-depth part of psychology, but my verbalizing, makes it stay honest… because if I slip up, he will catch it…stupid he is not…

So the mental health part of this, is interesting and lesson on top of lesson… a lot to adjust too in such a short time… always footsteps forward and some sliding back…

That is just the facts of life… I hope I put an end to the censorship on my FB feed, I care about the person, but they are not respecting my 1st Amendment rights, because they are christian… big time sigh on that mental illness….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie as she slipped away into darkness for 50 years…

Sgt. USAF DAV