Still Trying…

Not so much as feeling stretched thin… just pleasantly tired and not cranky…

The levothyroxine is 100% out of my body… the changes have been slow, but progressive…

I am most assuredly one of those people who get angry when hungry… so that is something I am learning to pay closer attention too…

Sleep, some of that is my own issue, I am not tiring myself out and I need less sleep and I go to bed to early… so adjustments will have to be made… it will take time to get into a rhythm that will work for me…

Thoughts… and depression…. I can really tell the difference… the levothyroxine caused some of the worse depression I have ever experienced… getting it out of the blood and brain, smart choice for me…

I did feel depression, but I could tell exactly where in my brain it came from and that is the area that has the stroke and brain bleed…. an incident happened, where before I would have been in tears… not this time… so yep, the hormone games with my brain and body by man-made drugs… DONE!!! and never again… what a living nightmare, and hubby stuck it out through all of it… 

Exercise is helping and I am building endurance and stamina…. though our move will put a small kink in some of the workouts as stuff gets packed… 

I am finding, this is one time motivation is not an issue… this is about quality of life and no one can do it but me, so push on I will continue, maybe someday I will come to like exercise, but I doubt it…

Mentally, I am trying to push into areas that Margie does not want me to go… Some of the behavior and violence of my family is so very painful and it’s not a world I care to revisit, but I know if I want the nightmares to stop or at least I get to own those nightmares… I am going to have to go to the dark place… it’s really not easy to walk into the mind of the mentally ill and step into their shoes and try to understand their desire to hurt and kill and most of all destroy what they can not control…

1968, Aline’s & Lee’s house… Mom… “We were told she would not remember anything”…

Nov 5, 2017 a young airman kills 26 people in Sutherland Springs, Texas and on Nov 7, 2017….

I Remembered Big Springs, Texas 1967… the place I was supposed to forget everything when I died…

Still trying to walk through this tangled web of deceit, hate, bigotry, religious fanaticism, narcissism, greed, lying, stealing and cheating environment I once called family… I shake my head an wonder, will I ever get there, I must if I want peace…

Time will tell ….

I Remember….Margies light was pure before god and darkness took hold…

Margie took her light from the darkness and kicked god out….

It’s dark light only knows self-deprecation….

Sgt. USAF DAV

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