Sudden heart felt pain…

It does happen, that fleeting moment in time where I will flash on my childhood and I get hit with such a large amount of emotional pain and I wince and ask… why???

Is the pain because of the abuse, the beatings, the hateful words, the envy from my own sister???

Is it because my first love, my daddy, beat me to death… Is it because my mother hated me from the moment she couldn’t control me at 1-year-old???

Is it because so many know the secret and are playing god???

I can tell you it’s none of the above…

As much as I want to deny my memory ability… it’s those gaps in my memory, that hurt beyond any pain I have ever felt… it is as if I lost a child to death or a hand or leg to amputation… it hurts and I long for what I once had…

You can have a TBI or be raped or be beaten to death like me… and you might relate to some of what I say…

But…. If you are not missing memory, you can never begin to understand the pain I live with daily… minute by minute… always waiting and hoping to jump on a memory that says, we are still here… they didn’t take me away from you…

I keep waiting… and I keep hoping and most of all I keep looking for what was stolen… my memories… as they hide behind their man made god…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… and her innocence they stole at age 5…

Sgt. USAF DAV