Neuropathy & PTSD…

It has been 2 months since I quit the levothyroxine and just wow… 26 years plus of hell, because of one tiny man-made drug… and I wonder how long before I would have taken my life, if I hadn’t got confirmation of the TBI’s… and people are living that have my answers and silent as the grave they are, though they live above ground… but if ya think about it… maybe below ground is where they truly dwell???

My body and brain have been up and down for so long, I list as I walk… for real… not sure what that is all about, but neuropathy and head trauma…. there are lots of things I deal with, that I will never get a text-book answer on… I have to figure it out… and there are days that is so very daunting…

Last night vivid dreaming… so not much sleep… that power nap in the afternoon helps…

Stress is so much in the picture… we know, by June we will have the house on the market and it will sell fast and we will be back on the mainland, looking for that final home to rock away the rest of our days… 

Do we go for the one we want and live the dream and be house poor for a while or do we do the smart…. I’ll share a little secret… If you get the opportunity to live your dream, go for it… we have one life and wasting it on caution and fear, isn’t living…it’s hiding…

An that dream comes with a hefty price tag… but we have been grooming ourselves on finances for a couple of decades and living small while living large, sounds like so much fun… I will share a picture if we buy it…

The neuropathy is showing its head, yesterday had to stay off the elliptical, I know when to not push my body, learned that the hard way in the military… and spring chicken I am not… today is PT and may be my last appointment, not sure if there is anything more they can show me… it all is helping and I am getting stronger… just walk with a list, kind of… but I always have since the Japan beating…

Again, knowing has made all the difference… Not only can I feel the changes in the brain reaction to events… I can feel the body changes and that takes the pressure off all the pain and levels have come down, but pot does help…

As days pass, I think less of the family and their involvement…  that thinking will happen when it’s time to tell Margies full story of how she survived a christian household… that will be a dark tunnel to enter, when I write that story from a perspective that is out of character for me…

I look forward to when my time is taken up with projects in the craft room or in the garden or just rocking away on the porch looking at the lake and smoking that bowl and thinking…

In the end, I truly won….I think what is coming next is going to be one grand adventure…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… and all the adventures she took inside her mind… so many stories she lived safely in her world…

Sgt. USAF DAV

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