Questions with no Answers…

Many mental health workers believe it is a good idea to get your thoughts down in a journal, diary, video or audio memory… especially when making a journey like mine…

I have written of all that gets to me, I tried to make sure I was as honest with myself as that was so important… be honest about how I feel about all things… disappointments, pain, mental and emotional, fears… most of all the fears and some are still there…

I still have lots of questions and probably will never get answers… I still have fears that only I can overcome…

I have no expectations out of anyone else or myself… but I have lots of hope…

As I sit here and I think of all that has happened in my childhood and adult life… I feel no anger….

I do feel some sadness, but that is only because I expected adults to be adults and I now realize… mental illness is more prevalent in our society than I thought possible… It is I who will have to adjust to their mental illness and delusions… as I do not see the world or life as they do… I see it through my eyes and not myths built on man-made religions…

A calmness has come over our home, a peace I have not felt, ever… it’s called acceptance…

It will be 6 years this year since my oldest talked to me… I was hard on what he did… I hope he finds light, before the darkness consumes him….

As for our other kids… their lives are theirs, not ours… They are from a different era than Mike and I and anything we did for our parents, we do not expect from our children… that is social media and society as a whole… we are a different nation, I hope it continues to evolve for the good of humanity and not just white man nationalism….

Our move has become a reality and the thought of finally settling down is appealing… as to where, that is still to be determined, though we have made a choice, it could change…

I do not expect life to change, when we move… because people will not change… this should be an interesting ride…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who loved the animals in the clouds…

Sgt. USAF DAV