Why do I remember???

When the young airman killed 26 people in Sutherland Springs, Texas… I was shocked, just like everyone else… but had become numb to all the mass shootings by mostly white males and the propaganda our own president promotes for white superiority…well if he is an example, they will kill each other off…

Sorry I digress, when I sat down an started talking about Big Springs, Texas… the memories flooded in like Noah’s ark fable….

I keep going back to the one thing that has not changed…

I remember nothing new… so why do I remember what I do remember…

I can account for my adult life… not every single day, thankfully… but I can sit and meditate and what ever year I am going for, I will get the important stuff, all the fluff is in lala land…

When I do that with my childhood, I hit more brick walls than they do on the Mario speedway… and I can tell when I hit the wall, the dead-end…

Not being a person who has faith in hypnosis, it may or may not work… I may pursue that course if I feel the need… and that is the other problem…

I said for a long time how the missing memory is like missing a limb or a twin… and I can only imagine that feeling in life… it makes me wonder if, as the time pass’ and I accept the violence that was done and the fact the living will continue to hide in plain sight…

Just maybe it’s not all that important to fill in the gaps… Maybe that is why the calm is coming over this whole environment…

It’s a curious thought and one I am interested in seeing to completion…

The psychological part of this journey, making sure I don’t cheat myself in the process because of fear or not understanding what I am experiencing… yet deep inside my brain I felt a twinge of anger…

Still more work to do… the brain is settling down, the thoughts are healthy and in keeping with the progress I have made… Not sure this won’t always be going on… figuring things out… got a lot of years that fed off that brain injury… 

I can hear the parrot down the street shreeking… Oh I am so looking forward to some quiet…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who never like loud noises…

Sgt. USAF DAV