So, I know how I died… now what???

Nov 5, 2017 will be a day I will  never forget, nor will the families of those murdered on that day in Sutherland Springs, Texas… I owe them my life, because they lost theirs…

I  had faint hints over the years that something was off in my family… for the longest time I thought it was because my biological dad was anybody but who is on my birth certificate… DNA test says I am his… 

I had uneasy feelings, when around my mother and father and my siblings seemed as if they were playing a part and no longer the kids I grew up with… brain washing, done in so many homes….

Comments made over the decades, attempts to be a part of their lives and always being shut out by 2 women in the family…

Over time the realization I was dealing with mentally ill people made the situation more difficult to over come and I had to let them set themselves up, only because liars do not remember the lies…. but I did… and when I brought those lies up, they had no clue what I was talking about… I really got to give it to that shrink in El Paso, he made me believe in this Edetic memory stuff… and I grin and more of those lies flood my memory….

Knowing that it was delusional people I had to deal with, just made my task a lot more like a Nancy Drew mystery novel… maybe that is the way to approach the writing, but if I did that, I would have to leave the real ugly stuff out… PG rating my book will not have…

I set the traps and let them, trip them… I let their own actions and words speak for themselves… all the time staying true to me, my morales, values and ethics…

So much has passed since Nov 7, 2017 when I told Mike the story of Big Springs, Texas…

So many lives that have been touched by mine, leaving their burn marks upon my skin as they took without giving…

We have a new great grand baby due any day and we just heard she is pregnant… So much imagined wrongs, because truth was spoken and not wrapped in bubble wrap… a child that will come into this world and likely never know who I am and that is the mothers right… I feel no pain, just sadness the child will miss out on so much, because of imagined wrongs… real big sigh on that one…

I am tired… I have no desire to go out of my way anymore… I did that for the first 63 years of my life… It is truly time to think of me and the very few that have been there… I got a kick out of our guest, of course my brains were needed… the mess is a hole that could cost them everything… I had to be brutal and honest… and these words are true…

Everyone uses me… but…. It is up to me to let them use me….. that 20 acres that is so isolated… sounds very appealing to me… but so does the house on the river with the pool…

It is up to me, how much I let anybody into my world… they may not know I keep score…

But, I do…. and right now… that score is in no ones favor except hubby…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie… who has a fascination with craftsman style homes… the same kind she died in…

Sgt. USAF DAV