When PTSD comes to Visit….

The “Autonomic meltdown”, that lasted right at 3 weeks, left me drained and depressed… the residual issue with this problem, is the spasm it causes when eating…. it is so painful, you would think you are having a heart attack… but it’s not the heart…

It’s the stomach and esophagus both in spasm as food tries to make it to the stomach… this time around it left me real tired, drained, mentally and physically… funny thing is, I get a warning it’s going to happen… this just lasted longer than usual…

So I am frustrated I am not taking this and owning it… it, this autonomic part of my injuries… has been with me since childhood, before the age of 10… so injuries from the TV interview are likely the starting point, no treatment, the body compensated…

Now I am trying to undo what was done to me… because I didn’t remember… and of course the living are not talking…

The depression, didn’t go long, nor deep… yesterday was frustration and culmination of the autonomic issue….

For every 10 steps backwards…. I take an additional 11 steps forwards…

Progress is being made… I am getting stronger and my balance is better and dizzy lizzy hasn’t been around for a while… and most of all I can tell when I don’t do what I need to maintain my strength and it just hurts more, I push an do more… I really hate exercising… but I am so much enjoying the results… I guess no pain no gain is a true analogy…

Though the depression stepped in the door yesterday, because I did stupid and read my VA medical records…. I remind myself… I got my proof and everything written in my VA records is pure bull shit and what was written in the past has no value, except as evidence of the incompetence and negligence of some federal employees… more Trumps in government than you know… and those bigots are spreading… like a plague…

I slipped and munched last night and made my mouth hurt more, had a miserable night, because my insides are already in revolt and wake up this morning, telling myself what a dumb ass I am being!!!

So that one step forward, get back on track with my diet… get more active and quit sitting on my ass, so to speak… Life has a habit of kicking me in the backside at the most in opportune moments and I got a feeling, that is exactly what is getting ready to happen…

Oh joy….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie.. who watched adults, “do as I say”, behavior, while they beat their own children to death… while telling them “do not as I do”…

Sgt. USAF DAV