PTSD, I May Own It… but It is still here…

I know this pattern…. no nightmares, no anger outbursts, no going off rail…

What I have learned about PTSD, you can have it forever, especially if you don’t get help early on… It becomes ingrained into who you are and it becomes more difficult over time to separate if from yourself… It’s like a hand or foot… you don’t want to lose those either, same goes for PTSD that has been with you for decades, like mine…

So I have periods of years or months, where everything is reasonably even keel and the bumps in the road are less bumpy, if you get my meaning….

Do I expect PTSD to rear its ugly head again… Absolutely, only because, I have not remembered everything… it feels like this stage of the journey is exactly what is happening… I am getting memories back… nothing I didn’t already know, just woke up and refreshed…

Now is it because I have accepted the fact that my mom & dad are mentally ill and that mental illness is pervasive in the family and corruption of heart, mind and soul was always about choice… they chose the dark path…

I stayed on the lighted path…. maybe that is why my life is really very good… other than crappy VA health care and I am just one among millions with that message, for all intent and purposes… 

I have my answers… I know why my brain works the way it does, Stroke and brain bleed and multiple TBI’s…. I know why my body hurts… multiple blunt force trauma fractures from my neck to my ankles and lots of internal injuries, which can now be explained…  other than a couple of questions I have about the past… I really do have my answers…

Christians did this to me and I have their god to thank for it…. so since I am created in this god’s image… I guess they were beating the crap out of a god they didn’t want to obey… Makes sense to me… but 

I do have a condition…. I am not afraid of my shadow, christians are… explains Peter Pan doesn’t it??!

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell, because I would be treated like Hill and Ford were treated…

I Remember… Margie… who does not remember her best friend…

Sgt. USAF DAV