Negative thoughts… working on it…

I remember as a child, after being beaten into submission, which didn’t last long… and oh, how that frustrated Freda… she couldn’t control me and never could… sorry I digress….

But I am still negative… negative about religion, religious, superstitions, mambo jumbo, magic numbers, belief in ghosts or magic crystals… and don’t forget the psychics… who do exactly what I do… Pay Attention… nothing mystical about using the power of observation and extrapolate information…. that is how I survived the house of horrors….

But, negative I still am and I think that is because I still have some anger left…. it hasn’t quite taken that long walk I know it will take… I am still holding onto it… Why??? No clue, but something deep seeded in me, something my gut instincts are telling me, not to let my anger go… because there is a memory that will put the death knell in the coffin of my birth family…. BUT!!!

I am really getting tired of this… I am ready to move on and that is when the PTSD and I get into some real obtuse confrontations….. 

Repressed memories are beyond frustrating, they are life altering…. I know, I have already experienced my near death as if it happened yesterday… I think doing the PT and talking with those kids about my recovery has kept me in that moment, when I died, had a stroke and lost 9 months of my life….

I am hoping, that in buying this property that is remote and private, that I may finally have the time to take my existence and come to terms with all that transpired from the first time Freda hit me as a baby to the last time Don knocked me 10 feet across the room at 17…. 

I want to put those memories to rest and write the story and most of all….

Celebrate my rebirth on Nov 7, 2017 when I got my memories back….

I just want to be me and leave the anger and hate for the people who hurt me…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell, because I would be treated the way Hill & Ford were treated…

I Remember… Margie… who lived to see another day….

Sgt. USAF DAV