Reflecting and PTSD is still here… kind of…

43 days and we leave… I knew it would happen fast, nothing in my life has followed the pattern of the average person (is there such a thing?), it has always been this way… that is why I have always known, you don’t have to believe in a fake god to have a good life…

Travel trailer hunting… trying to stay away from the 5th wheel and just get a travel trailer, so lots of internet searching….

Sleep, I am so tired when I hit the bed and so is Mike, at most, it’s get up and pee, because old age has told the bladder this is reality…. I am sleeping through the night and I dreamed last night, so that tells me another memory is working its way out of darkness…

Pain, since we have been busy, I put the exercise at the bottom of the list, but, yesterday we moved the elliptical back into the living room, now I can get lost in watching the christians and Trump destroy our country… I mean come on, it is fascinating to watch what is happening and sometimes the bull shit that comes out of these people’s holes, just mesmerize me… True story…

So I forget I am on the machine and end up doing a good 10 min session before my body tells me it’s done… left side will always be weak, according to the PT people… sigh… and that sensation still freaks me out…

No issues not being on thyroid medication, what the hell did they do before science came up with the drug and in fact before science even came along??? I still think Levothyroxine is a drug designed to control women… It altered my personality so much, even Mike is shocked at the change… though cranky I still get, but the stress level is off the chart for both of us right now…

I am eating okay for me, the autonomic neuropathy flare up a few days ago, tells me, my body is cleansing it’s self and believe me, when this started as a teenager it scared the hell out of me and 5 decades later, I now know why it happens… thanks mommy dearest…

The day has started, our mile walk done, which is a chore, because I am constantly correcting my gate, keeping my left leg turned in, instead of waddle walking… working the core, so that my torso quits caving in, those muscles are responding to the exercises, but my flexibility makes it harder to maintain posture… those PT kids taught me more than any doctor I ever saw for the last 50 years…. that says volumes about doctors and our health care system…

Still not a word about my dental care and we are into 12 months since the request was done for implants… the more I do the exercises for my TMJ and the focus on keeping the muscles relaxed and being aware of when clinching is causing me pain, those I can address… the tooth pain not so much and I would say I am in need of 3 root canals at this time… fortunately my head was my mothers favorite target and I have so much nerve damage in my facial regions, that the tooth pain is the worse, but I know tricks, to back that pain off… so hit the ground running when we get home so I can get in with a dentist who will address my dental care and not leave me laying in the gutter…

Don’t get it… without women Stephen Moore you would not exist and as for the dentist… I see his business getting sued by some patient… I will pass, I am just waiting for the transmesh one I am in to come to a close, what a nightmare!!!

So no real complaints… Farmers market today to finish buying gifts for our grandkids, though some did not put in any request, so surprise on what they get…. big eyed emoji here and tears running down, because I am a stinker on things like this, so gag gift they will get…

First clear beautiful day we have had in a while and the bangers, not so much for such a nice weekend… so will not miss the noise or the roosters….

I have the best hubby ever… he may not fully understand what I am dealing with, but he is learning to become more aware and maybe someday he will make the leap to self-aware… you get to that juncture in life, and you can read the people around you in a heart beat… it’s as if you have the same ability as a dog, they know good from bad… so do those that are self aware, our perspective is unique and my favorite, when I warn and it plays like I said it would… I remind them of the choice they made…

I quit taking the blame for everyone’s choices decades ago… either they come clean and own the lies they spread or they stay on the outside looking into my world… always about choice… always….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell because I could not face my attackers again, I live the rapes over daily, life will have to serve justice…

I Remember… Margie… who is still trying to wrap her head around the near death and abuse of her own mother and father…

Sgt. USAF DAV