Repressed memories, figuring it out…

Why did it take me 50 years to remember??? According to the science of psychology it can take decades for repressed memories to come forward and some people never remember and go to the grave never knowing why life was and is the way it was… make sense???

I am dreaming, lot more than I was a week ago, I think, and here we go again doing that dangerous activity… but I think, the more physically tired I am, the more my brain relax’s at night, because I am getting into REM sleep, something I don’t do much of, or at least didn’t do, before 2010…

Now why is 2010 important??? That is when I stood in Freda’s kitchen and dropped the bomb…. “I am missing memory”….

I really wish anyone had been in that room, it stank of guilt that much… I still get a quicken heart beat when I picture Freda, with her head down, refusing to make eye contact… because in that moment she knew her little fake world was going to implode if I stuck around… it wasn’t much later she told me to butt out anyway… and I did gladly… but if you read the blog, a few years later it’s “Margaret your brother the one who can not make it on his own merit, can not do the VA stuff for me”… just a FYI, when she got that $87,000 of back pay, I was the last to know and I saw zero of it, but my siblings helped to spend it… you really can not fix stupid and that was my last time helping her with anything…

Normally with this attitude I would lash out be cranky, yada, yada, yada…. maybe the PTSD is losing it’s hold, it is possible, even after living with it for nearly 6 decades… I could be getting the upper hand….

Grey day, wet and they say hurricane season will be just as wet as last year and I am so happy we will be in the high desert in Washington state when it gets ugly here….

No clue what or where we are buying property… The one we wanted fell through and ended up auctioned off, so we are back to square one, which is never fun… so travel trailer and cramped tiny living is our destiny next month… we did that once before with 2 small dogs, 2 very large dogs and 1 medium dog, for 6 months in the dead of winter in a 5th wheel… still think I am sane??? lol midnight walking, bundled up against the cold, so glad we had very little snow that year when we went home for Mikes dad…

I am reminded every minute of every moment, I have to exercise… all these do is keep my core and frame muscles strong, so that I can function without a wheel chair, though none of us can figure out why both knees want to buckle, so back to orthopedic when we get home, that picture from the TV beating shows both my knees badly swollen from that old fashion yard stick made of wood… so if my arms and thighs and torso have problems, so to will the knees… always seeking answers and Freda refuses to talk…

I really have no use for christians…. cowards to the core and bullies… just look at Trump and Rev Graham who thinks gays are the worse, when in reality according to that bible they worship, gay people are made in the image of their god and guess what folks, that means your god is more than likely 100% gay… just saying…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell because you won’t listen….

I Remember… Margie… who never spoke of the rapes as a child……..

Sgt. USAF DAV